Sunday, July 3, 2022

If I Start to Cry, I Will Never Stop



I recall when I was in the healing field, one of the main reasons people did not want to heal was because of this apparent need to avoid emotional pain, with even a thought they would never stop crying if they tapped into certain memories. By the time I heard this exact phrase come out of the mouth of a family member, I knew it was time to draft a poem. 



When I recall the moments when my life’s dreams were dashed

When I start to stall on momentum that has slowed down so fast

When I see the crashing of monuments that meant so much to me

When I see that the lobsters in the bucket want nothing to be free 

When I think of all the secret and subtle times my mom and dad tried

I wonder how long it would last … if I laid down and cried

I find myself isolated, lost, deserted, corrupted, caught

Believing … if I start to cry, I will never stop

 

When I think of the time, saying goodbye to Hennessy, our dog 

Looking to the heavens, then grieving into a pillow … dear God

When I look back and see how invisible I was, not standing up for myself

When I think of all the times I put my needs, wants, visions on a shelf

When I perceive how silly miscommunication could push us off the path of love

When I get a glimpse of the divine mosaic printing perfect patterns, all seen from above

All the enemies we branded, demanded, attacked, battled, fought

As I now wonder … if I start to cry, will I ever stop?

 

The family and friends I so desperately longed to know

Can be found beyond the barrier of this façade sideshow

In surreal moment, I once mourned so deeply the death of the living Christ

Not yet knowing that no such darkness can ever extinguish the Light

On Rumi’s divine field we shall gather, and meet all the grand characters there 

Into eyes we will recognize, the cast on Shakespeare’s stage … now bare

Enveloped in the shimming illumination that this cycle of birth and rebirth has taught

Now believing … as tears wash me clean, this love will never stop

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