I Will Start Here

Inspired by apparent soul-inspired songs like Peter Gabriel's "Solsbury Hill" and John Denver's "Rocky Mountain High," I wanted to write poem dedicated to my deepest identity beyond personalities and pre-conceived concepts. I struggled with it, but finally finished it after a week. Hope my soul is happy! 

Questions pile high, a mountain of confusion 

Drenched in mystery, a downpour of delusion

Tailwinds splinter hopes into scattered ships without aim

Until my soul’s journey is complete, I will remain

Victimized by mistakes, regrets, guilt, and shame

Tell me please … what is my name? 

Whispers of a label belonging to me 

Cupped and cradled like a trophy 

Ever since chariot guided me towards the earth plane

With only ripples of a purpose and murmurs of a name

I would start here, commencing again and again and again

With every death, another chapter to close, and one to begin 

In the middle of darkness, dodging terror, wonder and fear  

I will remain, I will remain … I will start here

 

With a veil over face, I discover every disgrace

I misplace what it means to be a member of the human race

Ego leads me onwards with pride … and I hide

Unveiling each successive obstacle and barrier … and I collide

Ramming 2 x 4s across my thick skull so that my soul will learn

I collapse to knees once more … looking skyward … I yearn

Yearn for the truth beneath egotistical will 

Yearn to overcome the desire to destroy, to overpower, to kill

Yearn to rekindle the heartbeat that has started to sink, slow 

Yearn to recall a name given to me so long ago

 

Before I made a game of herding and corralling cats and mice

Before gathering trinkets and toys, so shiny and nice

Empires with towering monuments, hailing all of my glory 

Plaques engraved with platitudes – ahhh – my success story 

A wealthy miser, I run and hug the tiny pearl in the shell

A monopoly game to lose, a name to forsake, a soul to sell 

Separation, leverage and darkness have come to stake its victory 

All the stage is clear, I’m left empty-handed, in the depth of the mystery 

Rock bottom, a pauper’s tale, what more can I do but disappear? 

No … no … I will remain, I will remain … I will start here

 

So many times around this solar system pathway of a circle  

So many races, start to finish, facing hurdle after hurdle 

I’ve been kings, queens, beggars, Robert, Walter, James 

I’ve donned multiple masks, carried countless crosses, taken numerous names

Yet in the end, as it was in the beginning, it starts with just a sound

Realizing there is nothing to have gained, and knowing there was no one to have found

All that I own, all that I gathered, all that I am … is really His

Without this game, without a name, my soul surrenders to what truly is 

In this timeless state, there is no space for the terror or the fear

I will remain, I will remain, I will sustain … I will start here