Closing My Eyes To See

I've been practicing Transcendental Meditation for about 10 months. This piece was inspired by this journey.

I close my eyes
And I pray
In the silence, I instantly rush to a first thought
And then a second
And a third
Rapid fire
"You are not there"
"You do not care"
This anxiety and raging mind - could it be blind?
It is not kind
The surface waves crash, making thunderous sounds
Crashing and crashing
Upon the shore, and the surface of the sea
That is my mind
It is not me

I close my eyes
And I struggle
There is knocking at my heart
I hurt to even glimpse down towards chest wall
It aches for something I cannot comprehend
Not with these thoughts rushing through
And crashing
I want distraction, some temptation to guide me away
From this hurt
From this heart
From this head
And the knocking

I close my eyes
Keeping them shut
I do not move; I do not quake
I allow the waves to overtake me
As ... I ... awake
As I am submerged
Into the deeper place
A different space
Below the surface of the sea
In a world sublime
Colors
Coral
In stillness
Sunbeams silent hitting ocean floor
Could there be more?

I close my eyes
And though chaos rolls all around this bubble
That is my cave underwater
Yes
I am there
And yes I do care
It's all I really need
As heartaches soften into silence
And peace arises without a word
All that is left is all that I can be
Nothing really more to hear, think or say
It is me
Of this I pray