Searching for the Perfect Valentine's Gift

OK, let's see - she's received the chocolate and the card and the flowers and the ...

- Wait a minute. What else is there but a box of chocolates and a card and a bouquet of flowers?

I don't recall seeing anything different on TV and movies. I think there were a couple of men who gathered their buds together to sing a song, but do I want to cash in my chips like that? I might need my buds to help move me out IF I CAN'T FIGURE out a unique Valentine's gift.

I mean let's face it fellas. It's true - our women have received the chocolate and the card and the flowers. It's been done. And it isn't the thought or even the action that counts here. It's the sign of care. And care doesn't show up in the obligatory or the routine. Right?

So my job this year, like all years, true for all of us out there, is to find something that will stand out, something that truly speaks to the heart of the matter. Not to flatter with bombastic flair, or to placate with the ordinary.

Hearts, though common to us all, are no ordinary venture.

So search we do. Stores galore. Online Google searches. Flower stands. Bloomingdales, Macy's, Nordstroms and Nordstroms Rack, and even the last-ditch late-night effort of Target.

And after all is said and done, and all the stores are entered and bins sifted, and flower stands rummaged... what are we left with?

• That which has been here all along.
• The heart of the matter ... residing right there where you live.
• The words and sentiments that arise when one sinks in and simply remembers why you joined.

For me, I will find something cool to wrap and give of course. Gifts are wonderful and appreciated. Yet I will also write those words that don't always come through in common conversation. I will draft, in prose no doubt, the song of the soul, the music of the spheres, the metered lyrics that speak truths that flow where waters are still.

I will offer personalized words of love. And I trust that on this holiday, as true on any day that the love emerges and is expressed ... it will be enough.

 

Jim Ellis is a writer and producer living in San Diego, California. He can be reached at LegacyProductions.org.

Cookies, Tricky Red Letters, and One Defensive Elf Man - A Study in Customer Service

Of late, in my adventures through gift shopping, Internet promotion perusing, and restaurant food eating, I have become quite the expert at spotting good customer service. And then also the other type of service.

Many valuable lessons abound for those who pay attention to how people treat people - especially in the arena of sales, marketing and service.

Take for example my recent trip to a vegetarian eatery on Adams Boulevard in Normal Heights (right near that neon sign actually). I had the awesome experience of standing before two waiters who were listening to my constructive feedback about some service.

Me:  "Hi there. When I called in my order, the woman who answered the phone had some incredibly loud banging sounds behind her, so much so that I could barely hear her talking."

• Waiter #1 (I'll call "Tall Elf Man") was defensive.
• Waiter #2 (I'll call "Cookie Man") was receptive.

Tall Elf Man: "She was not on the clock at the time."
Me:  "It still was not a good experience for me, the customer."
Cookie Man:  "Thank you for letting us know."
Me: "OK. You're welcome."
Tall Elf Man: "She was probably in the kitchen; it gets loud in there; we can't control that."
Cookie Man: "Even so, she didn't need to take the call in there; that's valuable feedback."
Tall Elf Man: "Do you want a cookie?"
Me: "Really?" (Moved deeply, sniff) "As a give-back?"
Tall Elf Man: "No ... I just thought you might want to buy a cookie."

What was awesome about this experience was that I was "me" the entire time, expressing my views, while I had two very distinct responses. One showed a person who cared and was taking in what I was saying; the other was more interested in what he already knew and didn't really care what I had to say. I didn't need a free cookie or anything back for my somewhat disturbing experience on the phone. I just wanted someone there to listen to my feedback. One receptive person did; one defensive person did not.

Which one do you think would inspire me to come back to this establishment? Which one would inspire me to want to steal a cookie?

People - wake up! You needn't be right or wrong; you needn't give up any free merchandise; you needn't fear a landmark court case trying to prove inefficiency. Those in a service role in our society merely must give a crap about those they serve. And that could mean as little (or much) as simply listening to a customer.


Now there is one other glaring customer service lesson that I must share. Hey a 2-for-1 deal here. A few months ago I had two very different experiences with some online promotions. See if you can tell the difference between the two and what it means about true customer care and service.

First one - The Los Angeles Kings offer subscriptions to their promotional e-mails. Here is how they
present it:

See how this organization has the e-mail recipient decide for him or herself what promotions he or she will receive? It says "Please check the box below if..." That is all set up for one's free will to make a known decision about a clear direction. We check the box for that service we wish to receive. Compare that to...

Second one - The Experian credit score service offers a 7-day trial to see a credit score. Here is how this company presents it: 

Hmmmm. But wait. Notice a few things. What are the outstanding elements on the page? The blue headline asking about a true need of the public. Then the fancy red lettering: the cheapo price of $1, and then the button to get that credit report. Notice as well the magic dollars falling from the sky into what must only be OUR hands. This is all set up so well to entice the customer (sucker) to not notice the 7-day trial aspect of the promotion. And of course, if you - the consumer (sucker) - sign up for this subtle trial and then unwittingly allow the trial to lapse ... well of course, that will be $39.99 each month you don't notice it on your bill.

Will they prompt you with a reminder about the trial? Will they make it 100 percent clear when you sign up for a trial? Will they inform you your credit card is being charged more than $1? No. That would not help them lull you into spending more than you actually wanted. This is a good example of a company working against the true desires of a public in order to make more bucks. (Perhaps those are Experian's hands in the graphic?)

In comparing the two online promotions, we see the Kings give a care about their fans or customers; we see that Experian wants to simply out-manuever and out-market the consumer. One gives due respect and full disclosure so a customer may make the choice he or she really wants. The other is a sign that money and profit can rule over customer service for some companies.

In the end, who will be successful? Red letter trickery? Defensive elf waiters? The one who makes the most amount of profit? I guess it all depends on your value system and your true level of care for those you set out to support.

For me, I'm going to eat my cookie and keep my eyes and ears wide open.


James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer living in San Diego, CA. He can be reached at www.LegacyProductions.org.

Friends Don't Let Friends Make A Deal

OK quick story before my rant.

You got a minute?

I was truly desiring a special cupcake from Bubba Sweets, the greatest cupcake store in all the world. And there it was right in my old hometown of Huntington Beach. It would be a gift for my wife who loves a certain cupcake from that locale. The problem was the store would not be open when I was in town. Because of this dilemma, I would be reaching out for help. I asked a favor of one my "friends" living in HB. Of course I would cover the costs and could pick up the sweet gift the next time I was in town.

Seems harmless enough right? The friend said he would indeed help me out ... on a condition. The deal was stated, "I can do that for you ... but in return can you ... "

Never fucking mind. 

No deal. Transaction nixed. Request rescinded. 

It may seem like a small matter, but at the root of it is a valuable take-away for me. 

Friends do not barter, they do not make deals.

Businesswomen and businessmen make deals and negotiate according to their own individual stances, based on the measurable nature of common, ordinary life. Business people do so, rightfully, for they are dealing with finite resources, as they manage time, space, money and other commodities.

A friend is not a resource. A friend is not a commodity. A friend must not be dealt with in such a manner. 

Friends are as timeless and priceless as anything on earth. True friends. Friends do favors just because ...

... Knowing that the friendship bond is what fuels our behavior.

... Knowing that any necessary balance will take place over time.

... Knowing that giving to a friend doesn't come with strings attached. 

... Knowing that a friend can not be held accountable for a return on investment.

And if a friend can't do a favor, they say they can't do it. Period. Complete. There are no deals, "in exchanges" and conditions. Yuck.

I am blessed to know a pal on my men's team who truly gives without needing anything in return. Does he end up receiving from me? I believe so. And he would do so naturally, not because of any handshake deals attempting to balance it all out with each act of kindness. This gent of which I speak helped me out when I first moved into my house, as he laid down the flooring of a side room. I recall back then, as I thanked him so much for all his work, his words: "I just want to see you get your dreams."

May we all want our friends to have their dreams. May we all say "yes" when we can make some of those dreams come true; may we all offer other types of support when we can't lend a hand. But - for goodness sake - may we never play "tit for tat" with something as precious and cherished as true friendship.


James Anthony Ellis is a writer, producer and publisher living in San Diego, California.  He can be reached at www.LegacyProductions.org.

Wounded Knee - You Can Justify It In The End

I love this song "One Tin Solider" by Coven from the movie "The Legend of Billy Jack."

Spotted Elk lies dead after Wounded Knee Massacre, 1890

It tells a story of "Valley People" who wanted a treasure that was in the territory of the "Mountain People." Whereas the Mountain People were loving and ready to share, the valley bullies decided they wanted the treasure for their very own. And so they killed the mountain folk in order to get that "reward."

The reason I love the song so much, besides the ironic ending which we will get to later, was because of these poignant lines:

"Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend
Do it in the name of Heaven, you can justify it in the end"

You can justify it in the end. 

Cleaning up the mess December 29, 1890, South Dakota

This leads me to Wounded Knee and all the other justified killings humans have ever thought were a "good idea." For all the times warriors, soldiers, and freedom fighters stood in righteousness over their murderous actions, there has been a small cry of sanity hoping for another way.

Wounded Knee - originally termed a "battle" by the victor, later termed a "massacre" by realists - took place December 29, 1890 in South Dakota. The day before, the U.S. 7th Cavalry Regiment led bands of Miniconjou and Hunkpapa Lakota to Wounded Knee Creek where the Lakota set up camp, surrounded by the Calvary. On the morning of December 29, the troops went into the camp to take away the firearms of the Lakota. That's when all hell broke loose. By the time it was over, between 200 and 300 Lakota men, women, and children had been killed and 51 were wounded. On the U.S. military side, 25-30 soldiers perished, with at least 20 soldiers later awarded the Medal of Honor.

All right. Is that enough insanity for you? No?

Cleaning up the mess, Some time after 1938, Germany.

Consider any other killing. Consider the Holocaust, which ironically carries similar views of mass graves. Consider the simple gang drive-by shooting on the streets of Chicago. Consider the bombs, missiles and drones that wipe out children, families, villages and cities in foreign lands. Consider 911 deaths, and the subsequent deaths of those the U.S. believed perpetrated that terror? Consider the nuclear detonations of August 1945 in two cities in Japan. Consider the hanging of blacks in the south in the an ugly nation's past, or the hangings of dictators in foreign countries today.

It is all insane.

There may be some minds struggling with the previous paragraph above, as some murder may appear justified while others are horrific. But is it not all murder on a tangible level? Do not the 10 Commandments include "Thou shalt not kill" without any asterisks or addendum? Does not one limb break the same as another; one mother wail in agony the same as another, one heart break the same as another? 

All asterisks and addendums were added to "thou shall not kill" after the fact, once a mind could justify not turning the other cheek, but instead pushing and pulling for "bringing the terrorists to justice." Who is the terrorist when all murder results in the same brokenness and horror? The righteous leaders may be able to rally enough fear and hatred in the people to support the pure madness and evil of murder, but does it ever justify it?

Wounded Knee, with its anniversary today, can stand as an example of a humanity gone wrong, a story that shifted from a battle to a massacre, but one that will always be - on a very real level - insanity. We can all learn from it, to realize killing is killing, and it will always have the same result: more killing.

Now, back to the end of our song with which we started this story. Our Valley People wanted that treasure for their very own. Remember?

Now the valley cried in anger - "Mount your horses, draw your sword"

And they killed the mountain people - So they won their just reward
Now they stood beside the treasure - On the mountain dark and red
Turn the stone and which beneath it - "Peace on Earth" was all it said.

Perhaps the only real ending to the story will be peace; perhaps it will be standing for something else besides killing, greed and leverage. Perhaps it will be our own sanity. Perhaps the only thing we ever will be able to truly "justify in the end" will be brotherly and sisterly love.


James Anthony Ellis is a writer living in San Diego, California. He can be reached at www.LegacyProductions.org. 

For an Entrepreneur - Time to Get Crackin... Pretty Soon

Today is Monday, December 28. You know what that means. 

It's the Monday after Christmas and a few days before the New Years. And you know that that means!

It's a time period where most people are still reeling from the holiday feeling and still in restful anticipation of another holiday.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

No? Neither do I. All I know is it's an odd, off-time, where the world appears to be slumbering and sleeping off a Christmas roast beast meal. Work? That's hard to do when you have the winding down of an old year ... and all that freaking chocolate candy calling your name.

However because I'm an entrepreneur with only one boss - the banks and creditors who also call my name - I must keep working and looking for work. Because of this, I have created a regiment, to keep me moving in the right direction. I don't get a holiday break like the college and school kids do, and I don't have "vacation time" saved up. Nope. I'm stuck having to CHOOSE my own life and do all I can to make it all work out.

And so what do I need to do? Simply, I must be faithful to a protocol and regiment laid down before me, with the magic start time of Monday, December 28.

Here we go.:

• Prayer ... check!  
• Yoga ... check! 
• Mediation ... check! 
• Writing... check! 

Now ... if I could only get some ... checks.


From what I understand, if we - as humans with intentions, dreams and ideals - continue in faith down a path of higher purpose, we shall be rewarded. Must it appear in the form of money, checks, abundant bank accounts? I do not know. I realize I do get attached to such monetary rewards, as the creditors and banks really seem to dig money and all it can leverage.

However I am going to stay open minded ... here on this magic day of Monday, December 28: the first day BACK TO WORK after Christmas, in a time period a bit odd on the energy scale but a phase that I must tread through in order to keep an account book balanced, a career rich with purposeful work, and a life full of joy, happiness and blessings.

At least I DO KNOW what that means.


James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer living in San Diego, California. He can be reached at www.LegacyProductions.org.

Grace's Bracelet - A Gift for the Ages

  

It was a tough year. It was the end of the year in 2009. I was quite down and depressed. Wasn't sure what could lift my spirits, if anything.

And then there was Grace's bracelet.

Yes, it was a difficult time for all. It was hard for my entire family. For my mom. My 77-year-old mother had fallen ill and was not up to participating much in the holidays. The home-for-the-holidays wasn't ever going to be as it once was.

Giving and receiving gifts, store bought, was always the call of the season. Shopping, gift-wrapping, more shopping, and more gift-wrapping were the norm.

But not this year, and perhaps never again. It was not going to be the same. Not that it ever had to be the same forever, but change is change, and when the past is filled with the beauty and wonder of unconditional gift-giving, change can take on a painful sting.

But then again, there was Grace's bracelet.

A friendship bracelet, made of multi-colored string, fashioned together by a caring teen's hands, lacing in and over and through, until a final gift was created. By the hands of a niece - giving, loving, unconditional.

It would be enough.

In the face of a broken heart, when the family unit wasn't what it used to be, when store-bought gifts would no longer hold the symbol of consideration, carry the currency of care, stand for the transaction of the sacred, it would arrive here: in the simple giving - revealed not in high-powered tools or high-priced products, but in the form of a handmade friendship bracelet.

Like Dr. Seuss' Grinch would discover after his failed attempt at stealing Christmas through packages, boxes and bows, this innocent boy, so loving the tradition of Christmas giving and receiving, would find the light and the love in "something a little bit more."

More than products, more than the store's empty offerings, the gift from a loving niece would reveal the truth once again: it's the care that counts, it's the love that lasts.


James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer who still owns a friendship bracelet created by his niece. It can be found on his dresser. He can be found at LegacyProductions.org.

It's a Pretty Darn Wonderful Life - And Here is Why

Brought to us by a holiday classic "It's a Wonderful Life" this is a lesson in "context" ... a lesson in the way we hold in our minds the world before us ... how we approach that life in our attitude, energy and presence. What context do we hold in our lives as we move about this crazy world?  What is our choice of mindset?

• "Hurray, here we go!" 
• "Life is hard" 
• "Oh drats, what's coming next?"

With so many ups and downs, smiles and frowns, we may believe that our emotions and attitudes are at the effect of our situations and circumstances. However, let's take a look at the classic movie "It's a Wonderful Life." I just want to point out the last part of the movie, not the dreaded circumstances that befell our dear hero George Bailey.

In the face of a bankruptcy, a jail term and the loss of his prized possessions, the reformed George - after seeing the depth of what matters to him - comes home to a house full of characters:

1. A bank examiner and his cronies
2. Law enforcement
3. The media and newspapers
4. George's children

Now, this is some great movie making, as the director made choices quite symbolic for its main messages. The children are hidden from view at first. All George sees when he rushes in the home are the bankers wanting to repossess his home, some law enforcement with a warrant for his arrest, and newspaper reporters wanting to document the entire mess.

And what is George's response to this obvious breach of territory and decency? The old George (prior to some angelic guidance) would have been distraught and raging. However, since he had been through quite a journey to realize what's truly of value to him, George had these responses:

For the bankers: "Well hello Mr. Bank Examiner!"

For the law: "I bet you it's a warrant for my arrest. Isn't it wonderful? I'm going to jail."

To the press: "Oh reporters."

This latter response was a complete "throw-away line," meaning he said it in passing, to demonstrate it didn't matter what the press represents or what they did with the story. In a symbolic gesture, in just that instant of a dismissive throw-away line, we see that George doesn't care what people or the public thinks of him. He knows who he is and what he loves. And that is enough.

In that position, in that reality, he has realized his own self-worth, and therefor he can choose the attitude, emotion, affection and CONTEXT that leads out in front of him. The money didn't hold the power. The possessions did not matter. The public image did not matter. His love mattered, and it shined so strongly on his children.

And what reward did George receive with this shift of context and mindset? The home was saved, the wife returned through the door, the money was plentiful and his home was filled with the warmth and friendship that would matter the most. And what of the children, the symbol of innocence and love? They stood atop the stairs looking upon their father with a wish for a merry Christmas. In that moment, with George's new context, all he could do was rush up the stairs - kissing the broken stair knob on the way - towards the higher realm where he belongs.

He went to a place where we ALL BELONG. The higher realms of innocence and love. And he did it, and we all can do it, with a shift. A shift of mind. A shift of heart. A shift of context.


James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer living in San Diego. He can be reached for a context boost at www.LegacyProductions.org.