Am I Doing Enough? Shut Up!

There is this dreadful voice that bangs at my head constantly. Not sure where it originally arose, but it sure has been persistent over the years. And yes, I mean years. It's been around as long as I can remember, even as a kid. The voice is bothersome, cruel, incessant and rushed.

The voice says: "You are not doing enough."

I read this as I am not doing enough work, enough writing, enough creative endeavors, enough anything. It doesn't exactly tell me what it is I should be doing, but the voice is very clear that whatever it is I am doing and whatever it is I have done just does not cut it. It is not enough.

This has me believing that somehow I am not enough. If I haven't done enough, perhaps that means that I too am not enough, as in "smart enough," "talented enough," "rich enough," and the all-time favorite on the hit parade "good enough,"

I wonder if others can relate to this. Does anyone else have a voice that pushes them on and on, relentless, no matter how much has been accomplished? I have in fact accomplished a lot in my life, as I review my resume of eight books, 25 plays, hundreds of articles, tons of poems and 70-plus video productions. But even though I have written and produced so much, somehow it isn't enough ... apparently.

Reminds me of that John Mellencamp song "Void in My Heart."

There's a void in my heart I can't seem to fill
I do charity work when I believe in the cause
But in my soul it bothers me still
Hey, Lord, well, you made me like I am
Can you heal this restlessness?
Will there be a void in my heart
When they carry me out to rest?

Where is the rest for the creative spirit? Would we stop writing and creating if we had that sense of satisfaction? Is there a good reason we can't seem to find that peace of mind with the amount of work that has been produced? Perhaps it's our soul destiny to continue chasing that happiness and contentment, like a carrot on a stick, like the rabbit out in front of the greyhounds.

Now, I must admit there have been a few moments of creative satisfaction. The moments after a gigantic play production or a huge video release. I even give myself the next day off, where I can sit back a bit, sleep in, and rest in the knowing I've accomplished something. But only one day later there is that voice: "You haven't done enough."

Shut up!!!

And ... so I rise again and get back to work, with the devil nipping at my heels. I guess I can take solace in another set of lyrics. These were recited to me back in 1990 by a friend who saw some of my anxiety. She was trying to help me release some of that self-imposed pressure when she played this song for me.

John Hiatt, in the song "Through Your Hands," sings of a different kind of a voice - one of an angel.

And you ask, "What am I not doing?"
She says "Your voice cannot command.
In time, you will move mountains,
And it will come through your hands."

So just maybe I can follow this angelic voice rather than the other rushed one. Do not ask what I am not doing nor put so much attention on all that I haven't done yet.

In time, I can make my mark ... through these hands, through these words. I will stay faithful to them as they arise ... in the moment ... just in the right time.


James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer who can be found either stressing out or writing, but always at www.LegacyProductions.org.

Interpretations: How to Perceive Prediction and Prophecy

Below is an excerpt from the book "Preparing for the Best," available HERE, which focuses on our challenging world and ways to address this reality. There are 55 sources that are quoted along the lines of prediction and prophecy. But the question arises how do we interpret such predictions?

It can be tricky, this thing called prophecy, prediction and precognition. According to one explanation, definitions pan out this way:

• Precognition: A gut feeling about the future, some psychic sense about what is to come.
• Prediction: A declaration – using a psychic sense, dream or vision – about a specific action or event that will take place in future time.
• Prophecy: A message from God about what is to transpire in the future, used as a warning or as an inspiration to prepare.

In each case, all are related to a concept quite difficult to grasp when living in the here and now. And that concept is: the future. For, such questions arise: What is the future? How can you see it? Has it already happened? Can free will change it? Is there free will? Is it all destiny?

I have my own thoughts on the matter. I see predictions as a way of relating a trend, a sensing of the path that one is on and where it's headed. Predictions inform people of where their chosen path will take them. Predictions say: "If you keep going down the road you're on, you will end up A, B or C." It's like a diagnosis.

For example, if you have a sugar habit and refrain from brushing your teeth, you could develop a tooth problem. A prediction would be: "I see you at the dentist; you are in pain; there is this whirling, buzzing, drill sound; also I hear screams for mother."

Upon hearing this warning, this foresight, this "prediction," the person then has the awareness needed to change the behavior in order to change the outcome. The person could see that tooth brushing would alter the destiny he or she was creating.

Now this is a simplistic example. Realities that we are creating for future times may be deeply entrenched in previous times eons old or a collective consciousness miles thick. How easy it is to change a destiny is up to the awareness, commitment and fortitude of those creating it. The reality of war or planetary destruction involves the accepted notions of millions of people. Do all these people wish to work on changing that? Can they see that they can? If they did see they could change the trend, would they still wish to?

Perhaps a good percentage of the population receives some benefit from war, global disasters, depletion of nature. Perhaps it's all a part of the lessons of life. We've all destroyed, killed and depleted before, in ways small and large. The two basic questions are:

1. Do we wish to change the trend of battle, strife and separation?  
2. Is there a large enough percentage of people who want to change that?

With the recent predictions – from psychics, spirit beings, futurists and scientists alike – we are given the warning that answers to these questions are required now.  There is no way that this Earth can withstand the treatment it has received. Even the woman so tied to an abusive husband will leave, if just to save her life. We are being told now about the end of the road for which we've been aiming for thousands of years.

The predictions tell of economic gloom, ecological doom, planetary boooooom. Some predictions have given dates and windows of time for their manifestation. Of these, some have missed and some have hit. We're left wondering about the accuracy of dated predictions.

I have found, through my association with psychics and other forecasters that actual predictions and their actual manifestation don't always match. The reasons are five-fold:

1. As noted previously, predictions offer a wider awareness of a trend so that you have time to change what is being created.
2. The timing of the prediction can be changed due to the free will of those people involved in its manifestation. Also, I have heard that spirit time and human time are different. Whereas spirit sees events, humans see time, and combining the two can bring on confusion.
3. The prediction is a misconception, a misperception, a "miss."
4. The prediction is something that can be interpreted in different ways: literally, figuratively, symbolically. For example, the predicted "three days of darkness" might not necessarily mean three days without the Sun, but could mean three days without electric power or three days of warring.
5. Similarly, by the time the predicted material is manifested, it could appear different than what your logical mind imagined it to be. Sometimes, people will take a prediction and then, with their own projected expectations or imaginings, make it into something of their own creation. In a simplistic example, something like "You will find love" can turn in someone's head to say, "You will marry a man and have children."

Along the same lines as this last point, there is the popular view that we, as creative beings, produce the reality we are expecting all along. This can be seen in the example of the cult leader who predicts battle and bloodshed and then makes it happen in a fight-out with police. But I wonder how deep this view can go. Do we create EVERYTHING in our experience? Or is it the case that an external force, like a new vibration or a New Age, can be impressed upon us or brought into our experience to change (i.e.: adapt or die)?

Likewise, I wonder if this could mean that only I and those who attune to a prediction – as in the example of the three days of darkness – would make something like this happen for us only, in ways that would make sense to us only. For example, if I'm the only who believes in such a reality, perhaps I will end up locked in a dark closet for three days in 2017.

So many questions and quandaries arise with the notion of prediction and prophecy. And here, then, is one more: How can we take them?

I would say take prediction and prophecy like you would any other input from this world. Take it as a gift, an offering from one aspect of the universe to another. It doesn't mean you have to accept it all or discard it all. It doesn't mean it has to be The Truth or The False. Just hear it; take it within; let it open doorways inside of you; allow it to trigger a deeper awareness within.

For that is the true purpose of all of life's input: to trigger and inspire a deeper internal awareness. See where it works or doesn't work for you. But in any case, do keep open to what is being said. Keep listening; keep searching, keep reflecting.

Oh, and keep reading; there's still more ahead.



James Anthony Ellis is a producer and writer whose new book "Preparing for the Best" outlines predictions and prophecies for a new world, as well as survival tips and uplifting inspiration to get us through whatever comes our way. Book found HERE.

You are Free to Choose - Cultivating Discernment in These Challenging Times

Below is an excerpt from the book "Preparing for the Best," available HERE, which focuses on our challenging world and ways to address this. The one major point-of-power during times of change is the power of choice, a power available to all beings that claim the freedom that has always been theirs. This discernment will be necessary to cultivate and fine-tune as we move forward into any challenging times.

You are free to choose. To choose your friends, your foes, your furniture, your work, your home, your life. There is nothing outside of you that can really stop you or make you do anything you wish not to do. You don't have to be downtrodden. You don't have to be under fire. You don't have to be Joe, Sam, Jane, Sue, Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother. You don't have to be here … or there or over there in that relationship. You don't have to be anything, anywhere. The bottom line: You are free.

Can you feel that? Can you sense it? Somewhere inside – deep in the heart, way up in the higher reaches of mind – such a freedom sings and rings loud and clear.

But for so long, so long: "I just can't do it." "I want to, but I just can't." "I can't leave this job, even though I'm unhappy." "I guess I'll be sad my whole life." "I know I'll be mad my whole life." "My boyfriends are all the same." "My wives are all the same." "I'm stuck." For so long, we have placed ourselves in boxes, neatly wrapped in definitions given us by those who wouldn't know. We have remained in the boxes – stuck, trapped, defined – letting life move on. We've let it flow all around us as on the banks of the river, in anemic pathos, we've sat in our boxes. We have accepted definitions and imprisoned ourselves, choosing to remain in an unconscious state, miles below our potential, feeling low, unfulfilled, and thinking we had to stay since we knew no other way.     

But the word now? You don't have to be stuck. How many times must we hear it before we know it to be true? You are not trapped. You are not imprisoned. You are not held back. You are free. You are free to choose and make your life.

For the chains that bind us are our own. Yes, this is true, no matter how we'd rather find a victim's comfort in blame, denial and passivity. The chains are negative thought-forms and unresolved emotions that we've acquired through our own experiences. The chains are ours. We've done it to ourselves, even when our own beliefs about life, the world and ourselves come at us by way of the actions of those parents, siblings and acquaintances.

Basically, we are responsible for the unfolding of our lives, whichever way they move. It's this very notion that allows us the freedom to remove ourselves from the negativity, the boxes and the chains. If we put ourselves there, then we can free ourselves. There are ways. And there is time. But the time is now to clear. The time is now to see you can get out of the prison you've entered voluntarily.

You built the prison, and you are the guard. All you must do is truly get to know these guards. See why they’ve been guarding you, keeping you locked inside. See what makes them tick. See what makes them mad, sad, guilty, tense, uptight. And most of all see what makes them cry.

All you must do is search within this keeper and get to the truth of the matter, get to the roots of those issues blocking the flow of love and life. You must use whichever path or tool works best for you to reach your blockages. And once you get to the blocks and blow past them, you'll see that you can be lighter. You'll see you can be outside of the definitions, traps and boxes.      

Then here, at this time, you'll see that you never were really stuck at all. It was just a deception, a lie you made up because you didn't want to see the truth, a truth that forever knows … You are free.

James Anthony Ellis is a producer and writer whose new book "Preparing for the Best" outlines predictions and prophecies for a new world, as well as survival tips and uplifting inspiration to get us through whatever comes our way. Book found HERE.

"Why?" - The Question My Dog Never Asks

Puppy Hennessy alert and ready for life.

"Why?"

It's a question I often ask - to myself and before others.

• Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
• Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
• Why do I eat when I'm not hungry?

And deeper questions:

• Why are we born?
• Why do we have to get old?
• Why do the Miami Dolphins often tank at the end of a season and fail to make the playoffs? 

I heard it may be a Scorpio thing - this incessant digging, probing and questioning ... to get to the bottom of things, and to discover their purpose.

The other thing I noticed is that my dog doesn't ever do any of this.

I bet you even Scorpio dogs don't hold the question of "why" on their minds. I believe it's a very human endeavor ... and one that can be as uplifting and expanding as it is exasperating and depressing.

Just look at my pooch. The picture of her as a puppy shows a very alert and attentive, as well as incredibly cute, canine. Nowadays, she will often sit there on her lovely dog bed perch and just exist. When there is someone on the porch, she will bark and race towards the door, routinely sliding into it in her haste to protect the household and all its inhabitants. When she's hungry, she'll get up and sit before her mother and just stare. It's her way of saying "Hello, I'm hungry; it's time to get up and feed me." When she has an itch, she scratches. When she's tired, she sleeps.

Never once does she, I imagine, ever ask the question "why" for any of these endeavors.

Hers, like for many animals, is a world of instinct. Need followed up by action. I don't see a hesitation between the arising need (gotta pee) and the complimentary action (stand by the door). She doesn't have to ponder deeply the purpose of what she does. It's instinctual, and the activity of questioning it would only delay the satisfaction of a filled belly, an empty bladder or a scared intruder.

And then there are us humans. The heavy plodding along to find purpose in our world. The why's and wherefores of all the slings and arrows. It's enough to send us all over the edge. It can't be as simple as a need, a feeling and then an action. We must find the underlying purpose for these behaviors and endeavors. It's not enough for us to just be ... to love what we love and to turn from that which doesn't serve us.

• A beautiful sunrise to become a smile on our face.
• A gentle hug from a friend to become joy in the heart.
• A lovely meal from a spouse to become a satisfied hunger. 

Can it be enough to live life, observe the observable, experience our desires and wants and then act upon them ... with the result being more observation, wants, needs and then actions.

Can it be that way? Can it be so effortless and free? If you say that it cannot, I just have to ask...

Why not?

James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer living in San Diego, California, don't ask him why. He can be reached at www.LegacyProductions.org.

What the Child Wants! ... And other Musings over Milk and Meatloaf

If only you could go back, like in the play “Our Town,” and be present for your childhood, knowing then what you know now. Such little bodies, such newly developing minds, we didn’t know how to put words to match our feelings, needs and hearts’ requests. We didn’t know how to communicate our desires, our confusion, our misgivings, our utter distaste for milk and meat loaf.

Well OK, maybe, we found a way. Crying, stomping our feet, pushing that meat loaf onto the floor. But those other communications – those tender subtle, and hidden things we may understand now, but not comprehend back then. All we knew – many times – was that something felt right or wrong inside.

We wanted things. I wanted things. For it's true 40 … 45 years ago, I was a child. And, if I could have had it my way, as I know it now, I would have wanted to say certain statements and hear certain statements.

Hear certain statements like:

• Good job Jimmy.
• That elephant picture you drew could be hung in a museum of art.
• Oh, it sure looked like an elephant to us ... well, it STILL could go in a museum of art.
• We want to hear from you, and know what you are thinking, believing and feeling.
• We value your individuality and unique perspective on the world.
• Tell us what you see.
• Show us who you are.
• What is your dream today?
• We love you with all your different ways of being.
• What a joy it is to have you with us.

Say certain statements like:

• No more milk please – I am lactose intolerant.
• I am not believing these vaccinations are helping me – look at my poofed-up arm.
• I have much to say and much to learn, and I really need the space and patience to grow.
• I am not alone in my growing pains, am I?  Can we all share with each other what is really going on with us?
• I wanted to be born, and I chose you all for a purpose. Can we find that purpose, honor it, cherish it, live it and then celebrate it?
• I love being here – you people are a treasure to me.
• I love you all.

But alas, the days are past. Over 40 years later, the time has come and gone. The bodies have grown bigger, the minds and hearts have developed as they did. What we can do with those statements now? Now that time has past, our bodies have grown, our crying out loud only coming on lonely nights in the dark alone? 

It must be too late. 

Or is it? Do we still have the time and space to use such sentiments for the good of not only ourselves but the collective as well? What can be done with expressions wanted so long ago from a voice that could not yet be heard? I would say ... speak them now. Say to another what you wanted to hear! Use those statements, don’t let them go to waste. Whatever they are for you. We can still use them – even the milk and meatloaf ones – not for the past times but for the present times, with those in front of us today.

We can bring it to our birth family; we can bring it to our new family – our own children, nephews, nieces and cousins. We can bring it to young ones we meet at parties, gatherings and events. At the market. Everyone – the young and the old – can be gifted with the sentiments we always wanted share. For a “new family,” seen every day, in every face, we can say what we’ve always wanted to say, hear what we’ve always wanted to hear, be what we’ve always wanted to be.

James Anthony Ellis - writer and producer living in San Diego - now enjoys soymilk and Tofurkey. His next book about "miscommunication" arrives October 2016. He can be reached at www.LegacyProductions.org.

I Am Your Toothache - Listen

Hello there. Welcome. I would like to introduce myself.

I am your toothache. I throb like a bitch and yell at you until you can no longer think straight ... until you curse the day you were born. I convince you to hold that mouth of yours hard, and to get something cold to press up against your cheek. I have you wincing and grimacing, and then finally calling the dentist in a mad plea for relief. I originated with a mother's plea for you to brush up and down, and then a family dentist's suggestion to floss and floss often. Now I'm your toothache, and I'm one mean ass-kicker. 

Hello.

I am your weeds in your garden. I grow somehow despite the lack of rainwater and despite the death of all other green and growing things. I grow and grow in your garden, to ultimately take over the beauty there. I show up real ugly in an otherwise pleasant garden setting. Among the pretty flowers and blossoming shrubbery, I look like drab, lifeless green and brown thorny leaves. I'm an inconvenient truth in your yard, and you hate me. Too bad. I'm here. And I'm here because you let the garden go, you silly person.

Hi.

I am the ants in your kitchen. I am a mass of small black rolling insects that troll up and down the counters eating up the crumbs and crap you've left behind. I just know when you leave the space and when you've said the magic phrase: "Oh, I'll clean that up in the morning." Once I hear that sloppy sentence come slobbering out of your lazy-ass mouth, I am charged into action. Time to get the army and charge full steam ahead, straight for your butter knife, your sugar bowl and all those pie crumbs that didn't make it into your pie hole. So have a rest. We'll see ya in the morning.

Hello fine sir and madam.

I am the pain in your heart. I am the longing. For something better. For something new. I am the hurt that resides in the chest as you wish for something different. Something different than the way it is. Perhaps it's a longing for something familiar, known such a long time ago. Peace. Harmony. Abundance. Wealth. Health. A natural state of being. The way it was, and the way it truly is deep down. I am the pain you experience when you let the attention slip away towards other distractions, to judgments and to scorn and to blame. I'm the pain you have when you've neglected the good or the other messages that would have kept you on track: free of weeds, pesky insects and tartar on the teeth.

I am the Universe. I give you messages all the time. Unemotional. Unattached. But loving you all the same. And all the time. I mean ALL the crazy flippin' time.

Listen...

I am here...

I am the weeds in your garden. I am the ants in the kitchen. I am your neck-ache, your heartache, your side-ache, your wrist-ache, your headache.  I am your toothache. I am the one trying to get you to move, to do something ... for yourself, for others, for a community and for humanity.

I am the Universe.

I am you.

James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer living in San Diego, CA. He just went to the dentist and is doing much, much better. He can be reached at www.LegacyProductions.org.

Spell Check Ruined Me

I used to be so good.

I used to receive happy faces, stars, A's and even E's ... remember E's?

I guess you could say I was "excellent."

My spelling throughout grammar school was really good, even though I wasn't an avid reader and even though I'd get confused with those tests with exercises displaying four misspelled words alongside one correctly spelled, where we had to pick the right one. I mean, what was that about? Surviving that mind-bender, I also spelled well in high school and college. I even knew the very vital difference between "its" and "it's" and "there" and "their." I was on the school paper in high school. I was also an editor on the college paper "The Daily 49er." I had it going on.

Then along came spell check. The son of a bitch.

 

It arrived, of course, with the word processing programs, showing us the easy pathway to spelling all words correctly. The computer programs were even set up so that if a word was misspelled, a red squiggly line would underscore it. All life looked bright and cheery, especially for us writers. Never again would a mishap befall us with a wretched misspelled word.

But what has happened over the years as I have been supported so strongly with my spelling ability? Has it made me a better speller, a better writer? No, I have gotten lazy and sloppy. I have become one of the worst spellers out there. I have rested so heavily on the red squiggly lines and even the faithful auto-correct, that I've come to the point now that I'll just throw a bunch of letters out there like a bucket of paint onto a porch. At first I hold out for the auto-correct to clean up my mess, and then if that doesn't fix it, I next rely on the red squiggly line wherein I can right-click and "search a word" in order to grab the correct one. This spell checker functionality comes to save the day!

But wait a minute! Save the day? What am I? Some slacker who can't do things on my own? Some bully who has someone else do my term paper? Some immature king who needs a bunch of slaves to do my grunt work? Some kid who needs a maid to come behind me and pick up my dropped clothes? Some lazy litterbug who can't take care of my own trash?

That's what happens when you have OTHER people do things for you, or when you have to rely on some other system to do what you could be doing with your own skill and effort. What happens over time is you lose the functionality yourself. You lose the abilities, the drive and the motivation to grow and expand.

If someone or something will do it for us, why would we even try? 

It makes me think of all the other places where we have other people do things for us, when we could be empowered and uplifted to do them ourselves:

• The home owners who hire the gardener instead of planting the flowers themselves. 
• The "shadow artist" who hides his or her own creative gifts behind the support of another artist.
• The street beggar who would rather ask for a free handout than look for ANY sort of job.
• The trickster citizen who "works the system" by trying to get free government handouts rather than being a contributing member of society.

That damn spell checker.  It ruined me. It got me soft and lazy. I lost my edge. I lost my precision with my writing. And to think, even with spell check, sometimes "positivity" becomes "pomposity," a word completely the opposite of what I was intending. 

In conclusion, what can we take away from this article, besides the fact that the analogies in Jim's head make sense if you really think about them? First off: beware of auto-correct and the red squiggly line - they are not always 100 percent right. Two: You can give yourself your own happy faces, stars and E's when you reflect honestly about your own performance. Three: having things done for you and getting free shit may cost you in the long run.

And finally: maybe the easy way isn't always the best way.

James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer living in Lemon Grove, CA. He can be reached at www.LegacyProductions.org where most things are spelled right.