A lovely gal doing a simple act, a good deed in a weary world.
I went up to the president of a non-profit organization bringing my view of something that was amiss, hoping she would understand. She did not.
But Sehra did.
I went to an old friend who let me down recently, to communicate my disappointment, hoping he would understand. He did not.
But Sehra did.
I went to 100 other people over 20 years wanting their receptivity and an understanding of what transpired, but only got their defensiveness, their excuses and their denial. I was hoping they would receive my expression. They did not.
But Sehra did. Yes Sehra did.
On one day in June, 18-year-old Sehra from Encinitas was celebrating her graduation day. My girlfriend and I were driving up the 5 Freeway and decided to stop by her mom’s house, visit a bit, give Sehra a greeting card and a hug or two. What happened was the distracted Sehra spent more time focused on the Internet rather than her visitors. Even after her mother asked her to put the Internet away and be respectful to the two in the room, Sehra continued to focus her attention on the computer screen.
Taken aback a bit, my girlfriend and I realized later how that didn't sit right with us. You know how it goes sometimes, the delayed response? Well, we wanted to say something - how that didn't feel right with us, how it felt disrespectful. Now given the history of simply trying to express a view to friends, given the history of taking communication classes that teach not to "judge," given the years of being faced with defensiveness within those we are wanting understanding, it would have been easy to give up on the situation. You know - just do what millions do across the war-torn field of misunderstandings. Just go mum, carry resentment, and slowly allow the relationship and friendship to just die away.
But we love Sehra too much. And so we approached her - open expression, allowing our disappointment to come through.
What hundreds have not been able to muster over years of attempted communication, Sehra was able to do. Humbly, and with the grace of a pure heart, Sehra responded ... with:
- An "I'm so sorry"
- An "I realized what I had done after you had left"
- An "I love you guys"
Very simply, very bravely, very … innocently.
Can it be so hard to find such humility in the face of a possible conflict or confrontation of egos? Many of the adults - possibly hoping to save face or not feel toxic guilt within them - simply choose defense. In moments of accountability, when someone drops the ball, makes a mistake that impacts another, or otherwise blows it, they are asked to be big enough to own their part, offer a humble expression of regret, gift some appreciation for the other speaking up, and perhaps offer something in return to restore the good relations.
In those moments, many cannot.
But Sehra did.
Yes, Sehra did.
Jim Ellis is a writer and filmmaker living in Lemon Grove, California.
