Goodbye Beautiful

Upon the passing of a dear friend Lisa Kalison, a celebration-of-life service brought forth her husband Attila Tota, who delivered the most exquisite and transparent delivery of love. One memory stood out to me, as did the last words of a particular story. It sounded so poetic. 

She would not let you leave the house so fast

No, that just would not do

An emotion and an experience that was meant to last

A kiss from you to her … and her to you 

She’d appeal to you as you took your leave

In a ritual so precious, so rich, so full

A chance to give, a chance to receive 

After each kiss: “Goodbye handsome” … “Goodbye beautiful”

 

Such a custom came from a soul so pure

Not a demand, really, at all

She just wanted to make 100 percent sure

From the front door porch, she would call 
You would of course grant her this wish

And return to her in a graceful deed 

A kiss neither of you would want to miss

Fulfilling the sentiments of a sacred need

A gesture bringing closer the energy, the life 

Mind to mind, lips to lips, eye to eye

The dance of unity, a husband and wife

A parting farewell, a beautiful goodbye

 

Now, since time has passed, and we have all lost our friend

The rituals turn to something more surreal 

Signaling neither the beginning, nor even the end 

We embrace a timeless world so real

We’ve had to deal with the parting and the pain 

Allowing grief and sadness to have its say

An experience for you, we could never really name

Providing a path for the truth, the life and the way 

Seeing the curtain come down one last time 

For souls recognizing that which remains full

Reminding us of a reality beyond the borderline

In an everlasting kiss: “Goodbye handsome” … “Goodbye beautiful”

Sweet Mackenzie

(Written for actress, activist and author Mackenzie Phillips after her appearance at the Institute on Violence Abuse and Trauma Conference in September 2018)

with elegance and grace

she speaks of the disgrace

the loss of "who I am"

the masks of who we've been 

with truth and honesty 

she plants the seed of purity

the spark that leads to flame

no longer carrying the shame

she cares not how long it took

she is, as always, an open book

since 18, working hard to free

“something devastatingly wrong with me”

 

nothing Ritalin, coke or drugs could cure

to carry on - wanting something sure

needing others to say she’s OK, a church without a steeple

finding out … hurt people hurt people

a missing father figure in a physical form

untreated narcissism, substance abuse – a perfect storm

they were mad at her for telling what he did

protecting the perpetrator, keeping it all hid

a victim silenced, don't say anything

high on arrival … becomes hopeful healing

the realization she is her mother's daughter, no less

she need not identify with the ugly and the darkness

she could choose who she is to be

finding the identity of the one … “it's me”

no longer desperate to be believed

not needing someone to be furious at … now relieved

forgiveness isn’t about cosigning, nor about not being pissed

it’s reclaiming the you that you’ve dearly missed

 

with joy, light, elegance and grace

she speaks of a past disgrace

the retrieval of "who I really am"

the release of what has never been 

the spark that ignites the highest flame

no one will ever be the same

it matters not how long it takes

the book and the door is open, for all our sake

since a child, she has worked hard to set free

the one heart, the one soul … sweet Mackenzie

Her Name Was Vernay

I was inspired to write this for my first tenant I had after I inherited an initial tenant who wasn't so kind. Ever since her, I haven't been able to find anyone who matched the level of mutual respect. Keep your awesome renters, and friends, near and dear.

Her name was Vernay
I can recall to this day
No words here I could say
No matter, no matter – come what may 
In a world not always so kind
Where a favorite word is “mine”
Where the blind lead the blind
And where trust is so hard to find
It was with her, it could begin
No leverage, no games, no spin
It can all be … simply … effortlessly … win-win
From the very start until the farewell end
I can recall to this day
Her name was Vernay
 
Now the first renters of mine
They would play games of the mind
And later swiftly leave me behind 
Trying their best to place me into a bind 
“Hey – you’re supposed to offer us cable”
But that was never on the table
They came up with various sorts of fables 
Pushing me to do whatever I was able
They opposed this new landlord without a care 
Huh - I just wanted to move forward … honest and fair 
An adjacent home, with separate entrances we could share
Yet they mainly only offered a trickster’s dare 
 
Then came my first chance to choose my own
A sweet woman who would be living alone
I’d make sure to cut the grass that so high had grown
We clicked as if our personalities had already been known  
For each other, we both did whatever we could do 
Her mother visited, and it was like my relative too
She offered to take in my trash bins – the green, gray and blue
Needs were never bothersome, opportunities were always new
This woman was not just a tenant, or a source of some cash
Nor some supplemental income I could come across fast 
But rather a pleasant cohort willing to take off the mask 
In a friendship, with mutual respect, that would surely last 
 
I see her on social media – we’re still so kind to one another
On some level it’s like we were sister and brother
Never trying to trick, manipulate or outdo each other
A sort of connection that could always offer cover
In a world where selfish needs lead the isolated along 
In a society where few community members belong 
In a life where relationships are less right than wrong
On a globe where the humble are not considered the strong 
In a world filled with numero unos trying to get their way
Guarding their empires, keeping everyone else at bay 
Scared, hidden, bitter, divided, betrayed 
I can recall another sort of relationship still alive today 
Within the glory of the life, the truth and the way 
Even in spirit, even in distant memories, we will stay
I can recall to this day
Her name is Vernay
Her name is Vernay