When I Look Into My Heart

As I wake up in the morning at times to a hurt heart, I thought of writing a poem from the vantage point of what I see when I look within.  I was surprised. 

When I look into my heart of hearts

I find what tears this world apart

A world of war and battle and disease and strife

A world of hatred and anger over this unfair life

A world of gangs and tagging and bravado and stances

A world of dirty tricks, drive-by shootings and angry glances

A world of deep longing and loss and desperation

A world of grief and fear – a world of separation

Where does it all begin; how did it ever start?

I find the answer in my heart of hearts

It’s Isabel and Louise who turned away without a word

Leaving me lost, confused, alone – so hurt

It’s Kelle with her innocent yet mischievous grin

Before her alcohol, drugs and past did her in

It’s a father and a mother who wanted no signs of feeling

Nothing of what I had to say would hold any meaning

It’s a best friend Jamie moving far away – a defector

It’s a sister – my enemy – though I was supposed to protect her

It’s a kindergarten room, like a prison with a guard

It’s the bully who made walking to school just so hard

It’s a teacher who graded me – F, S or E

Even my own art I could no longer see

My identity was put so far up onto a shelf

I lost it all; I lost myself

When I look into my heart of hearts

I find what tears this world apart

My perception, my vision, my filter, my take

Leaving behind myself – my first mistake

It took my writing, my prose, my creativity

It stole my confidence and imagination and ingenuity

It took my enthusiasm, my joy, my innocence

In the depths, it took everything that made any sort of sense

Leaving only the news of the day, with all its dismay

And the heartbreak and anxiety, sure signs of decay

Though when I peer deeper than this surface show

The reality still resides – the beauty forever exists below

I restore, reclaim, remember what has always been

I find the self – and the truth – I am that I am that I am

I find the chance to begin again, with a brand new start

When I look into my heart of hearts

When I look into my heart of hearts

The Same Man

So many masks, but underneath it all perhaps we are merely players on this stage. 

Prisoner, guard, convict, thief

I am all and none of these

Burglar, speedster, judge, police

Playing the game of hide and seek

Embracing all, in one big breath

Give me liberty or give me death

Parts to be acted in God’s odd action plan

I am … the same man

I am the one who just stole your car

The one who stumbles out of that seedy bar

The gambler who lost it all in a risky bet

Then presses a gun barrel right against my neck

The mugger whispering in ear: “your money or your life”

The cheater who cheated with your dear, sweet wife

The liar who lies … into eyes … all of the while

The realtor, banker and lawyer who smiles that slippery smile

The addict that scrounges aimlessly for the next high

The numbed-out who doesn’t even know how to get by

I am the monster, the rapist, the beast, the foe

With nowhere to be and nowhere to go

The solider, armed and dangerous, ready to attack

The enemy, armed and dangerous, prepared to fight back

The rich tyrant dictator with the most evil of plan

The beggar on street corner with outstretched hand

I am … the same man

The hero, the wizard, the saint, the sage

The next messiah bringing forth a brand new age

The eagle that soars to heights of the highest perch

The freedom-seeker who frees all who will search

The one who walks the elder from one curb to the other

I am the love of the uncle, the son, the father, the brother

I am the medicine man who cares for all in this tribe

I am the sharing friend with nothing to hide

I am the supportive ear when you have lost so much in life

I am the steady strength guiding you back into the light

I am the guardian protecting you from the threatening force

I am the provider representing life’s abundant source

The partner who knows what’s mine … is mine to share

The lover who caresses in kindness and care

The magician whose curiosity invites all to understand

The warrior who plants the stake and then takes a stand

The king who carries in heart the most inclusive of plan

I am … the same man

And in my own mundane life ... I too play the parts

Breaking and blessing and rescuing hearts

As pressures and stressors continue to mount

As avalanches collapse upon each bank account

I hold steady to the truth an identity strong

As in “The Who’s Down in Whoville” celebration song

No force can turn me from the right to the wrong

No one can seduce me away from where I belong

I’ll stand in presence – through failure and success

Doing what I must, and doing my best

I’ll falter at times, and I’ll break down in defeat

And yet brush myself off and get back on my feet

No matter where I go or who I have become

Nothing in my past will have to be undone

Moving forward into storm, breaking through the storm cloud

Taking flight into sunlight, with a voice bellowing loud

I am here – for you and me – in God’s destiny command

I ask that – through it all – you come to understand

I will always be … the same man