Collateral Damage

There is collateral damage.
The harm.

Those people, those animals, those elements of our society harmed by simply standing by.
Harmed by being in the vicinity of the devastation.
It was not their plan to get hurt.
It just happened ... because they were so close.

Where is our collateral damage? In some windows of our world, it is easy to see.

1. In war - as burned out homes and blown up body parts send a stench into the air, while hearts break from the loss. 
2. On our farms - as pesticides poison the insects and pests ... but also poisons anyone who ingests the chemicals not meant for human consumption.
3. In medical practices - as the chemicals within "chemotherapy" attack cancer cells but thrash and trash other healthy cells and organs in the process.

And there are other such scenarios where a misfire of offense can harm that which stands nearby.

The latest version of this tragic story comes to mind, when I consider interpersonal relationships.

Collateral damage? Yes. It's subtle, but yes.

Consider the times you brought your own hurt to someone in hopes of being heard.
Only to be met with defensiveness or even an attack.
Your significant other was simply trying to make a point or stay out of their own guilt.
But in their attempts at protecting themselves, they did not listen to you.
They only offered a slight, a fight, a judgment.  
You were not heard.
And you were hurt ... again.

And there was damage
Collateral damage.

On some level, their judgment was not meant for you. Deep down, it was not intentional to slight you. You did not approach a loved one to receive this.
But it happened. And it happened because you were close. So close.

You were in vicinity of their own pain. A pain that spilled out of them without knowledge or precision. They met your request for being received with a slam of energy of their own upon you.
There was not a reception, but a deflection and then rejection.

Damage.

This cycle will continue - as innocent lives are lost, as tomatoes and corn are tainted, as chemicals destroy the vibrancy, as relations are torn asunder - until we awaken to the fact that we are all connected, that everything originates from the same source, and that harmful unconscious behavior only hurts us all.

In something called "collateral damage."


James Anthony Ellis is a writer living in San Diego. He can be reached at www.LegacyProductions.org.

Beneath It All

Raging
Blaming
Shaming 
Fingers pointing everywhere - past, present, future 
A retreat from peace
Into shadows of regret, reeds grow high blocking the sun
Where is the one? 
A silence is devoured by earthquakes that shatter glasses tumbling from cabinets
My rage
Turning the page
Revealing the frustration beneath it all
Beneath it all

In frustration
The end of anticipation
Into a full blown cry of bitter consternation 
Eyes darting back and forth, to and fro
Where am I to go?
What has begun?
Where is the sanity? Where is the one?
Just a sea of hopelessness and depression beneath it all
Beneath it all

In a closet of darkness - depressed 
So much suppressed
A pillow suffocates instead of comforts
Placed squarely upon the mouth
Which longs for breath
As it awaits the death
Shivering and shaking, holding nothing dear
Succumbing to the numbing fright, the paralyzing fear
Beneath it all
Beneath it all

And as acts of terror bind the deepest night
A gentle bird ... somehow ... enters into sight
Crossing the sky on its eternal flight 
A glimmering hope brings a shimmering light
Faint at first, like the dawn's first peek
Then exclaiming "free" in a game of hide and seek
We rejoice in the recovery of a truth once known
The third eye has opened; this bird has flown
Now fully illumined we know what has begun
What's passed is passed, what's done is done
And so, awake, we greet the brand new sun
Remembering forever, we are the one
Beneath it all
Beneath it all
Beneath it all

At Last

Shouts of doubt
The avalanche of harsh critique
Mild and meek, we attempt our retreat
Under the crush of it all
Yet our shields can not protect us
From that which tears at us from within
We can not win
The devil futility enrolls our participation in our own demise
We fall for the lies
We are not wise
The guillotine of self-loathing leaves us broken, scattered
What matters to a lonely soul without purpose or drive?
We must survive
And so we take up the fight to stay alive ... at last
Not silencing or shushing the voices without reason
We embrace the treason
Stationing shouts of doubt no longer at the helm of this ship
But rather under our wing
This lonesome, sweet, little thing
We protect it, not neglect it
We reveal it, not conceal it
We love it, not hate nor berate it
Inner demons hold no power
When engulfed in our mindful presence
A lasting essence
Delivering us to peace, at last, peace

Here’s to You, Dear Searcher

Inspired by the sacred space created during a "breathwork" session.

We come to this space of unconditional love

Seeking to find what is below and what is above

Opening our minds and opening our hearts

To return once again to that brand new start

It begins with surrender, and then a deep breath

A rebirth into bliss, to a life beyond death

Into the timeless, the spaceless, into the sweet will

Where thoughts cease fire, and deep waters run still

Here’s to you, dear searcher – you’ll find your way home

Where there is the one reality, where you’re never alone

We dive within ourselves, to discover that pure gold

The innocence that is our birthright, a love story to be told

So celebrate today and always, be here and now

Traveling as far as you wish, what your safety will allow

We acknowledge all you’ve done, and all there is to do

As you discover the meaning, and the truth of the real you

Here’s to you, dear searcher – planting seeds to be sown

Realizing your true nature, finding your own pathway home


For More on Breathwork - CLICK HERE

Overcoming the Heady Stuff with Heart Stuff

My heart is not happy.

My head has taken over. And it just won't stop yacking.

Someone shut it up. It's got me going in 100 directions at once, none of which feel like the right direction.

You know that feeling of peace in your mind when you know you are on your path, doing what needs to be done, at the right pace and the right time ... all in Divine Order? Yeah, I don't got that.

Right now - the mind is splintered and having me attend to 10 different pathways of career - writing, healing work, video work, book sales, speaking, professional napper. None of these feel right as I step one step onto that path. Because of this indecision and lack of true inspiration, I find myself feeling as if I am spinning wheels even if I'm taking tons of action.

Have you been there? I don't think I've been here before, precisely in this sort of stress.

My mind is racing.

And my heart is not happy.

Head says:  bills are out of control, I'm out of control, there isn't enough time, I'm running out of time, I must hurry, I'm not good enough, someone is always better than me, I don't have what I need, I'm doomed.

Heart says: Look at the puppy, look at the garden, let's take a walk, let's have a laugh, let's call mom, let's call sister, all is well, I can relax now, all is taken care of, I am one with spirit, how could I ever take all of this so seriously?

So - given this battle of head over heart - what is one to do? Well, first off, I was guided to WRITE ABOUT IT. Get it down on paper. Express myself. Journal my experiences with this. So that led to this blog. (Hope it's helping someone else besides me.) Next comes running, exercising, moving this body of mind, so the pent-up energy can get some activity and hopefully process some of that angst through me. Finally comes meditation - where I sit still and simply watch the thoughts arise and fall, from the vantage point (one can hope) from a centered place that is the observer of my life.

Supposedly, there is this centered soul in there. An identity that is not moved by life's ups and downs. It simply observes, watches, and takes in any lessons that the silly human must endure. It holds the peace, joy and bliss that always exists behind the scenes.

And so I will do all this. Journal, blog, run, meditate and observe.

With prayer, it will help still this manic mind, soothe this savage soul, rest the weary traveler.

I want my heart back. I want the head to take a back seat and quiet its relentless ramblings. I want my heart back. I want to feel that love feeling flow from it as I bliss out knowing all is well, I am taken care of, and that I can lavish positive vibes and actions upon my loved ones. I want my heart back so I can feel my true worth and be my true self.

My head had taken over. Now it's time for my heart to speak. And to be happy again.

Diving Into Faith

Faith.

I want to dive into faith.

Into the cool, blue water that embraces me like a womb.

Safe.

Assured.

Peaceful, restful.

Originating all from faith.

Faith.

That link to something higher – pure. Like cool, blue water. 

Beyond the fear.

Beyond the stress.

Beyond the doubt.

That dreaded doubt that would laugh at my failures, even the most minute of mishaps, exclaiming, “This is the real you. This is how it will continue. This has just begun.”

Those terror remarks that rattle my sense of self, and implode my inner core, like strategically placed detonations in old, creaky building.

Blueprints with plans to ruin me at every turn.

If not for…

If not for…

Faith.

The knowing that these shadows are temporary, only existing because some fiend has blocked the Sun … for a moment.

Faith – the keen and clear awareness that the Sun does assuredly exist behind all shadows.

The Sun – the source.

The source of heat, warmth and life.

Creating a glimmering reflection off the cool, blue water.

Forever.

No matter the frightful remarks from a mind bent on destruction.

Forever.

In faith - in life.

In life.

That which exists in every breath into lungs.

Filling and emptying, filling and emptying.

When observed, taking us infinitely deeper into the truth that will free us.

To love.

To faith.

To faith.

Quick - Love those you Love RIGHT NOW

Hey you.

Yeah you. I'm talking to you. Since, you know what? You ended up at this page. It's no freaking coincidence. This is not by happenstance. You were meant to read this. I was meant to write it.

Writing it in mere seconds. So you - yeah you - could read it.

And here is what you are supposed to do IMMEDIATELY. Well, immediately after you take the mere seconds in reading this piece.

You ... are ... to ... go love those you love... right now.

Yup. No delay. Think of them. Think of her. Think of him. Consider your mother, or father, or sister or brother ... or any other form of human being that resides within your lovely state of mind and sphere of influence.

After considering them, do one or more of the following:

• Call them with a message of uplift and acknowledgment.
• E-mail them with some sentiments of gratitude.
• Text a comment of love and light, using the words you both share in mutual understanding. 
• Facebook a private (or public if that works) post that glimmers in the care and love you feel deeply within your heart.
• Bounce a basketball outside their home until they get the message that you want them to come outside and shoot a few hoops.
• Something completely customized according to your own creativity ... and heart.

This is all about your heart and that which resides within.

Doesn't matter the number of people you cherish; make it one for now. Allow that heart of yours in this moment to be free and shine upon those you love. It doesn't have to look a certain way. However, the mere act of sharing your heart with another will do the trick of OPENING THAT heart. And that will not only serve those showered with the love, but also serve you as well.

No secret. Nothing new here. Except for this part: that you take action - real action, simple action, with the idea that pops into your mind. And that you take such action RIGHT NOW. Immediately. Stop thinking, stop reading.

Act now. Love now. 

Am I Doing Enough? Shut Up!

There is this dreadful voice that bangs at my head constantly. Not sure where it originally arose, but it sure has been persistent over the years. And yes, I mean years. It's been around as long as I can remember, even as a kid. The voice is bothersome, cruel, incessant and rushed.

The voice says: "You are not doing enough."

I read this as I am not doing enough work, enough writing, enough creative endeavors, enough anything. It doesn't exactly tell me what it is I should be doing, but the voice is very clear that whatever it is I am doing and whatever it is I have done just does not cut it. It is not enough.

This has me believing that somehow I am not enough. If I haven't done enough, perhaps that means that I too am not enough, as in "smart enough," "talented enough," "rich enough," and the all-time favorite on the hit parade "good enough,"

I wonder if others can relate to this. Does anyone else have a voice that pushes them on and on, relentless, no matter how much has been accomplished? I have in fact accomplished a lot in my life, as I review my resume of eight books, 25 plays, hundreds of articles, tons of poems and 70-plus video productions. But even though I have written and produced so much, somehow it isn't enough ... apparently.

Reminds me of that John Mellencamp song "Void in My Heart."

There's a void in my heart I can't seem to fill
I do charity work when I believe in the cause
But in my soul it bothers me still
Hey, Lord, well, you made me like I am
Can you heal this restlessness?
Will there be a void in my heart
When they carry me out to rest?

Where is the rest for the creative spirit? Would we stop writing and creating if we had that sense of satisfaction? Is there a good reason we can't seem to find that peace of mind with the amount of work that has been produced? Perhaps it's our soul destiny to continue chasing that happiness and contentment, like a carrot on a stick, like the rabbit out in front of the greyhounds.

Now, I must admit there have been a few moments of creative satisfaction. The moments after a gigantic play production or a huge video release. I even give myself the next day off, where I can sit back a bit, sleep in, and rest in the knowing I've accomplished something. But only one day later there is that voice: "You haven't done enough."

Shut up!!!

And ... so I rise again and get back to work, with the devil nipping at my heels. I guess I can take solace in another set of lyrics. These were recited to me back in 1990 by a friend who saw some of my anxiety. She was trying to help me release some of that self-imposed pressure when she played this song for me.

John Hiatt, in the song "Through Your Hands," sings of a different kind of a voice - one of an angel.

And you ask, "What am I not doing?"
She says "Your voice cannot command.
In time, you will move mountains,
And it will come through your hands."

So just maybe I can follow this angelic voice rather than the other rushed one. Do not ask what I am not doing nor put so much attention on all that I haven't done yet.

In time, I can make my mark ... through these hands, through these words. I will stay faithful to them as they arise ... in the moment ... just in the right time.


James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer who can be found either stressing out or writing, but always at www.LegacyProductions.org.