My heart is not happy.
My head has taken over. And it just won't stop yacking.
Someone shut it up. It's got me going in 100 directions at once, none of which feel like the right direction.
You know that feeling of peace in your mind when you know you are on your path, doing what needs to be done, at the right pace and the right time ... all in Divine Order? Yeah, I don't got that.
Right now - the mind is splintered and having me attend to 10 different pathways of career - writing, healing work, video work, book sales, speaking, professional napper. None of these feel right as I step one step onto that path. Because of this indecision and lack of true inspiration, I find myself feeling as if I am spinning wheels even if I'm taking tons of action.
Have you been there? I don't think I've been here before, precisely in this sort of stress.
My mind is racing.
And my heart is not happy.
Head says: bills are out of control, I'm out of control, there isn't enough time, I'm running out of time, I must hurry, I'm not good enough, someone is always better than me, I don't have what I need, I'm doomed.
Heart says: Look at the puppy, look at the garden, let's take a walk, let's have a laugh, let's call mom, let's call sister, all is well, I can relax now, all is taken care of, I am one with spirit, how could I ever take all of this so seriously?
So - given this battle of head over heart - what is one to do? Well, first off, I was guided to WRITE ABOUT IT. Get it down on paper. Express myself. Journal my experiences with this. So that led to this blog. (Hope it's helping someone else besides me.) Next comes running, exercising, moving this body of mind, so the pent-up energy can get some activity and hopefully process some of that angst through me. Finally comes meditation - where I sit still and simply watch the thoughts arise and fall, from the vantage point (one can hope) from a centered place that is the observer of my life.
Supposedly, there is this centered soul in there. An identity that is not moved by life's ups and downs. It simply observes, watches, and takes in any lessons that the silly human must endure. It holds the peace, joy and bliss that always exists behind the scenes.
And so I will do all this. Journal, blog, run, meditate and observe.
With prayer, it will help still this manic mind, soothe this savage soul, rest the weary traveler.
I want my heart back. I want the head to take a back seat and quiet its relentless ramblings. I want my heart back. I want to feel that love feeling flow from it as I bliss out knowing all is well, I am taken care of, and that I can lavish positive vibes and actions upon my loved ones. I want my heart back so I can feel my true worth and be my true self.
My head had taken over. Now it's time for my heart to speak. And to be happy again.
