A Mother's Day Story

She simply said, "If you ever want to talk about what's going on with you, you can talk to me."

It's one of those moments that etch a sweet place in the mind forever.

I was 17, that tender age when any sort of negative experience regarding the opposite gender could be devastating. But this devastation was taken to new limits. In my heart anyway.

You see, I really liked Isabel. She was a foreign exchange student who said that she could see the true me, and that I was different than others she had met. I was "special" to her.

Since "specialness," young love and foreign exchange students don't stick around forever, there came a time when I had to say goodbye to Isabel. For this youthful, innocent heart, it was the hardest thing to do. I was heartbroken.

And so - as 17-year-olds may tend to do - I moped. I took moping to a whole new level. Dragging my feet, being silent, showing very little initiative for anything. I didn't know what to do with myself. I would follow my mom around, hoping perhaps that she would notice my heartbreak and do something about it. We weren't the most expressive family, and we rarely talked about emotions. In fact, I used to think crying merely meant your head pounded and your throat felt all hot and burning.

This, mostly because I would hold my breath from the desire to squelch the tears.

But on this certain summer day, as my mom attended to some task about the house, I would find myself following her all around. As she took care of some laundry or the like in her room, I simply climbed up onto the end of the bed and just laid there.

Silent.

Sad.

Hoping to be noticed.

And then she said it. "If you ever want to talk about what's going on with you, you can talk to me."

Tears.

An opened door. It's what I needed. The permission to be human, to be hurting, to be heard.

I believe I needed the door to be opened more than I needed to walk through it.

But my mother opened that door, as mothers do. Allowing me in, and allowing me to open up.

Here is to all the mothers who nurture their young, giving an unconditional love that sweetly invites the heart to come out - to be seen, heard and experienced.


James Anthony Ellis is a writer living in San Diego. He can be reached at www.LegacyProductions.org.

Here’s to You, Dear Searcher

Inspired by the sacred space created during a "breathwork" session.

We come to this space of unconditional love

Seeking to find what is below and what is above

Opening our minds and opening our hearts

To return once again to that brand new start

It begins with surrender, and then a deep breath

A rebirth into bliss, to a life beyond death

Into the timeless, the spaceless, into the sweet will

Where thoughts cease fire, and deep waters run still

Here’s to you, dear searcher – you’ll find your way home

Where there is the one reality, where you’re never alone

We dive within ourselves, to discover that pure gold

The innocence that is our birthright, a love story to be told

So celebrate today and always, be here and now

Traveling as far as you wish, what your safety will allow

We acknowledge all you’ve done, and all there is to do

As you discover the meaning, and the truth of the real you

Here’s to you, dear searcher – planting seeds to be sown

Realizing your true nature, finding your own pathway home


For More on Breathwork - CLICK HERE

Overcoming the Heady Stuff with Heart Stuff

My heart is not happy.

My head has taken over. And it just won't stop yacking.

Someone shut it up. It's got me going in 100 directions at once, none of which feel like the right direction.

You know that feeling of peace in your mind when you know you are on your path, doing what needs to be done, at the right pace and the right time ... all in Divine Order? Yeah, I don't got that.

Right now - the mind is splintered and having me attend to 10 different pathways of career - writing, healing work, video work, book sales, speaking, professional napper. None of these feel right as I step one step onto that path. Because of this indecision and lack of true inspiration, I find myself feeling as if I am spinning wheels even if I'm taking tons of action.

Have you been there? I don't think I've been here before, precisely in this sort of stress.

My mind is racing.

And my heart is not happy.

Head says:  bills are out of control, I'm out of control, there isn't enough time, I'm running out of time, I must hurry, I'm not good enough, someone is always better than me, I don't have what I need, I'm doomed.

Heart says: Look at the puppy, look at the garden, let's take a walk, let's have a laugh, let's call mom, let's call sister, all is well, I can relax now, all is taken care of, I am one with spirit, how could I ever take all of this so seriously?

So - given this battle of head over heart - what is one to do? Well, first off, I was guided to WRITE ABOUT IT. Get it down on paper. Express myself. Journal my experiences with this. So that led to this blog. (Hope it's helping someone else besides me.) Next comes running, exercising, moving this body of mind, so the pent-up energy can get some activity and hopefully process some of that angst through me. Finally comes meditation - where I sit still and simply watch the thoughts arise and fall, from the vantage point (one can hope) from a centered place that is the observer of my life.

Supposedly, there is this centered soul in there. An identity that is not moved by life's ups and downs. It simply observes, watches, and takes in any lessons that the silly human must endure. It holds the peace, joy and bliss that always exists behind the scenes.

And so I will do all this. Journal, blog, run, meditate and observe.

With prayer, it will help still this manic mind, soothe this savage soul, rest the weary traveler.

I want my heart back. I want the head to take a back seat and quiet its relentless ramblings. I want my heart back. I want to feel that love feeling flow from it as I bliss out knowing all is well, I am taken care of, and that I can lavish positive vibes and actions upon my loved ones. I want my heart back so I can feel my true worth and be my true self.

My head had taken over. Now it's time for my heart to speak. And to be happy again.

So Much That You Care – So Little That You Know

Just when you thought you were stuck. Just when you thought your inability to make a certain celebration or special event was the final say on the matter. Just when you thought there was nothing you could do.

Little do you know.

This is a story of getting out of your way so others in your life can really receive from you in a way you might not imagine possible.

Quick story: I have a pal who was invited to a recent birthday dinner gathering for my wife. Since this man works in a business that has unpredictable hours, all he could say about attending the dinner was his infamous, “I’ll do my best.”

Now, an entire article could be written about the phrase “I’ll do my best.” But we’ll just keep it at his best didn’t include showing up or even communicating after the celebration was over.

Later on, realizing that my wife does enjoy the positive attention surrounding her birthday, I let the man know that overlooking the birthday, simply throwing out a trite “I’ll do my best” and then forgoing any other communication did not offer the care I knew existed in that baby baboon heart of his. In the past, my pal had sent cool celebratory e-mails that my wife enjoyed. Knowing this, I invited him to, without obligation, do something like his fun e-mail messages if he still wanted to lighten another person’s day. In the end, he did send one of those goofy and fun birthday e-mail messages. And it did brighten the day of my wife.

Geewiz! If people only knew. If they only knew how easy it is to make another person smile. If they knew that they did not have to attend a specific event to still have presence and impact. Is it even possible to attend every event to which you are invited? No. But even so, we can all realize that showing up doesn’t have to fall on the precise date that may hold a conflict for us. There is always a way to show up, to be present, to send the care.

Wake up world. Wake up people. You may not be able to be in two places at the same time. But you can – with a bit of creativity, drive and awareness – have your love and care be in many. many places at once.

A Change of Attitude for the Cops

Cops.

Oh no, not the cops.

You know about these law enforcement officers – hiding behind that billboard sign or bush, speed gun in hand, awaiting for the next false move so they can catch the next unsuspecting victim and hand them a bulky ticket so that the city to which they serve can get that much more fat.

Cops. You know what I’m talking about. The insensitive, moneymakers for the state, finding the smallest disorderly conduct so you can be punished, and so the government machine can be fed more of your money.

Cops – those meanies, those "cherry tops," those Officer Krupkes – all of which you have to be on the look out for. Not so you can be law-abiding citizens, but so you can outmaneuver them in the fake dance of law and order.

OK, OK – so this is how I used to look at the police. Pretty dark and dreary huh?

Whenever I traveled the roads and highways, and a black-and-white came up from behind me, I felt my blood pressure rise, my adrenaline surge and my stress increase. I would hold my breath and think, “Oh no, not the police, what will they want?”

Of course, I’ve had my share of encounters being pulled over, mainly for speeding, in the past. So I had real memories – on a practical and cellular level – of the experience of having an officer behind me lead to the stopping of my car and the unfortunate lengthy experience of dealing with a ticket. So my response to seeing any cop anywhere may be understandable.

And yet. A new experience.

The strangest thing happened to me. The other day, I noticed a policeman driving behind me, and my response was: “Oh cool, that’s nice to see.” What? How can that be?

In hindsight, I now can see the cause of the shift of mind, and it’s a valuable experience from which we all may gain insight.

In the time period between my two very different responses, I had started a new video project, one which focused on the potential PTSD that law officers must deal with while on duty. In my keen attention on the needs of the police personnel, I must have made a shift from anger and upset and towards compassion and understanding of the officer’s conditions. In that act of addressing their needs, such an alignment with them closed the gap within my mind.

So these people aren’t just an enemy trying to go after me. These are real men and women on a beat that is highly dangerous for their own physical, emotional and mental well-being. I made the shift in my own mind, and this altered my reality and reactions.

Perhaps such a shift can happen for any of us, and not simply for those wearing badges and carrying speed guns. Perhaps addressing the plight of another, perhaps walking in their shoes if even for just a few moments, can create such a shift – from anxiety to calm, from enmity to unity, from fear to love.

The shift for me was profound, conscious and authentic.

It is a shift I wish for any one of us living in conflict with another – even if only in our own minds.

Diving Into Faith

Faith.

I want to dive into faith.

Into the cool, blue water that embraces me like a womb.

Safe.

Assured.

Peaceful, restful.

Originating all from faith.

Faith.

That link to something higher – pure. Like cool, blue water. 

Beyond the fear.

Beyond the stress.

Beyond the doubt.

That dreaded doubt that would laugh at my failures, even the most minute of mishaps, exclaiming, “This is the real you. This is how it will continue. This has just begun.”

Those terror remarks that rattle my sense of self, and implode my inner core, like strategically placed detonations in old, creaky building.

Blueprints with plans to ruin me at every turn.

If not for…

If not for…

Faith.

The knowing that these shadows are temporary, only existing because some fiend has blocked the Sun … for a moment.

Faith – the keen and clear awareness that the Sun does assuredly exist behind all shadows.

The Sun – the source.

The source of heat, warmth and life.

Creating a glimmering reflection off the cool, blue water.

Forever.

No matter the frightful remarks from a mind bent on destruction.

Forever.

In faith - in life.

In life.

That which exists in every breath into lungs.

Filling and emptying, filling and emptying.

When observed, taking us infinitely deeper into the truth that will free us.

To love.

To faith.

To faith.

My Momma Will Walk Again

I wrote this in February 2013 prior to my mother's passing when she was still bed-ridden. She passed in July 2014, into the freedom beyond the physical. 

I silently watch as my mother rests in her bed

Made to soothe and comfort, and lift her when need be
It makes it easier on her hip and her head

It makes it easier on her suffering knees

I quietly watch in agony believing she's never coming back
I find no words to speak, there's no place to hide
Invisible enemies of the past I plan to attack
Then surrender to the loss and the longing inside

I know it's not the start
I pray it's not the end
In dream-scapes and within my heart
My momma will walk again

My mother will stand up and walk once more
She'll effortlessly glide from room to room
She'll walk towards and then out that front door
She'll marvel again at the stars, the Sun, the Moon

She may even skip or dance or run for a bit
She'll be able to plant flowers in her own garden
Then … in its splendor … simply kneel down and sit
Yes, my momma will walk again

I know it's not the start
I pray it's not the end
In dream-scapes and within heaven's heart
My momma will walk again
My momma will walk again

Beyond the polarities of the loss and the win
Beyond the cruelties of sickness and sin
Beyond the conversations we never did begin

Beyond the missed celebrations that should have been

Beyond the pain that all of us are in

In the peace and love found only within
In God's sweet embrace of an eternal heaven
In a timeless dream-state I long to live in
My momma will walk again
My momma will walk again
My momma will walk again

 


Jim Ellis and his writings can be found here:  http://legacyproductions.org/products/
 

The Promise of Crowns and Bloom

Shadows cast by cemetery trees

A shallow chill breeze reaches bone

We shake uncontrollably

The sense of being alone, and then followed

By a figure unknown to all

We fall, as we struggle to run away

A deadly delay, as in a film’s chaotic music blaring

Someone is staring at us, the end rapidly coming soon

So far from … the promise of crowns and bloom

The promise of crowns and bloom

Coins and dollars fall through the cracks

A weekly attack of envelopes and bills

We are filled with lack and emptiness

The treadmill, incessant and relentless, moves

And moves

Time, money and hope we lose

The pace slows, drags and then quickens

We are sickened by the stomach ache

For God’s sake, will relief and respite arrive soon?

In a promise of crowns and bloom

The promise of crowns and bloom

    The promise was there at the very start

    When once upon a time there was only a heart

    And clouds and sky that ruled from above

    Guiding with a graceful hand of love

    The shining of the sun off the surface of the moon

    And the ever-present promise of crowns and bloom

 

But now as grown-ups we sense the dread

Of the dead, and dying, and those with disease

Begging please – show us a path beyond all of this

A hug, a kiss, an embrace of family with friendly face

The glory of a crown worn only by a winner

Not sinners whose loss they are never without

A shout, a cheer for the truth we hold dear

The dropping of a tear, down the cheek of the humble

Beyond the crumbling hope, a flowering blossom boon

Here to fulfill the promise of crowns and bloom

    The promise was there at the very start

    When once upon a time there was only a heart

    And clouds and sky that ruled from above

    Guiding with a graceful hand of love

    It has never altered in the eons of time

    Found in the reflection of the caring and kind

    Do not forgo or forget what is true

    The unseen crown that you wear and the light within you

    The dawn after dark, it will be here so very soon

    Hark, you will see – the promise of crowns and bloom

    The promise of crowns and bloom

JAE - Copyright  © 2017

Emily and I Loving the Devil

Memories pop in at the most interesting times. And often they come in for a reason.

Today it's the memory of an 8-year-old niece Emily and her Uncle Jim, me, driving in my car somewhere, from here to there, and the short conversation that could be had between two relatives interested in reaching something meaningful. It was 1990.

Now some backstory...

My life SUCKS lately. It's 2017, and I have been through the ringer, full of anxiety in a life where people appear to enjoy the idea of leveraging some sort of advantage in order to feel better than and more powerful than others. The capitalistic dream right? Or is it a nightmare? In either case, I've been down when experiencing either side of the coin - believing I have power because I have the leverage over another or completely upset believing another has leverage over me.

What can I do to get free of this vicious cycle?

Perhaps it's that very question that led me to the memory of a story that took place some 27 years ago.

For there we were - me and Emily out on the road. Me making some lighthearted chat and her playing along. In those days, I was deeply engaged in the process of healing, actively removing inner blocks and unresolved emotions in order to find the light and the love within. So it wasn't too far of a stretch for me to play this game with Emily...

• Jim: Hey - let's play a game and see how many people we can think of to love.
• Emily: What do you mean? How would we play it?
• Jim: Every person we see as we drive, we can say we love them, even if we don't know them.
• Emily: What? 
• Jim: Here, let's start. I see those two people walking. Love two! There are three people in that other car. Love three!
• Emily: Oh. Another walker. Love one!!!
• Jim:  Love four.
• Emily:  Love three!
• Jim: Love two!
• Emily: Hey, I saw them first.

The game went on a bit, as we competed to see who could love more people and get to them before the other one. At some point, I said it was possible to love everyone in the world. This sort of confused the young one.

"What about the devil? Do you love the devil?"

Hmmm, that was a good question. What popped in my mind at the time came tumbling out. "Well, someone has to. He might need it more than anyone else."



Again confusion. But that was OK. It was just a game. Kinda like life is just a game. Can we come to realize that it is a game? Can we see that we have full power to send an unlimited amount of love, from a source that becomes more illumined the more we tap into it?

With such a belief, a standpoint that we can give without worry of return, there is no room for a passive bystander, no place for victim, no us and them, no leverage, no control - just our powerful choice to act upon a heart open and willing to love. Why not? What else can an innocent being do, one that lives beyond right and wrong, and one who mainly knows a divine instinct to give from the very essence of who they are?

Leverage over another? No thanks. That would be somewhat, shall we say, evil? Love the devil? Sure, it can only help. Rekindle the memory of a story of two relatives on a fun drive focusing on the love we can share with everyone?

In this day and age ... a must.

James Anthony Ellis is an award-winning writer living in San Diego. He can be loved - er reached - at www.LegacyProductions.org. 

Quick - Love those you Love RIGHT NOW

Hey you.

Yeah you. I'm talking to you. Since, you know what? You ended up at this page. It's no freaking coincidence. This is not by happenstance. You were meant to read this. I was meant to write it.

Writing it in mere seconds. So you - yeah you - could read it.

And here is what you are supposed to do IMMEDIATELY. Well, immediately after you take the mere seconds in reading this piece.

You ... are ... to ... go love those you love... right now.

Yup. No delay. Think of them. Think of her. Think of him. Consider your mother, or father, or sister or brother ... or any other form of human being that resides within your lovely state of mind and sphere of influence.

After considering them, do one or more of the following:

• Call them with a message of uplift and acknowledgment.
• E-mail them with some sentiments of gratitude.
• Text a comment of love and light, using the words you both share in mutual understanding. 
• Facebook a private (or public if that works) post that glimmers in the care and love you feel deeply within your heart.
• Bounce a basketball outside their home until they get the message that you want them to come outside and shoot a few hoops.
• Something completely customized according to your own creativity ... and heart.

This is all about your heart and that which resides within.

Doesn't matter the number of people you cherish; make it one for now. Allow that heart of yours in this moment to be free and shine upon those you love. It doesn't have to look a certain way. However, the mere act of sharing your heart with another will do the trick of OPENING THAT heart. And that will not only serve those showered with the love, but also serve you as well.

No secret. Nothing new here. Except for this part: that you take action - real action, simple action, with the idea that pops into your mind. And that you take such action RIGHT NOW. Immediately. Stop thinking, stop reading.

Act now. Love now. 

Dodo, Love and the Cabbage Patch Doll

Back in 1984, my then 2-year-old niece Emily was very excited about Christmas, as most 2-year-olds are. Staying at her grandma's house with much of the family, she made sure to try and stay awake as long as possible. She also got up perhaps before everyone else, barely allowing Santa enough time to scoot out of the living room. As soon as she entered the room, you could hear her announce with a loud voice, "He came!" Under the tree were an array of gifts for the young one. Her eyes lit up as she opened them all.

Now, whereas all the gifts were important to her at this time, there are two specific gifts I bring to your attention here today. And for a wonderful reason.

• A Cabbage Patch Doll - This was the popular doll of this time, part of the Cabbage Patch Kids collection, involving the folklore of the creator named Xavier Roberts, whoever the heck he was. The gift of this doll came, I believe, directly from Santa.
• A Special Doll - This one, fashioned after the popular doll of the day, was actually made from scratch by Emily's mom, my sister Mary Lynn. She spent days on this doll, doing her best to make it similar to one of the Cabbage Patch forms. She did her best since, if I'm not mistaken, the actual dolls were quite expensive, out of the price range of Mary Lynn this holiday season.

The Famous Dodo

So this Christmas morning in 1984, Emily was to first open the special doll that Mary Lynn made. She embraced it, enjoyed it, celebrated it. Well, up until she opened the next gift ... the actual highly-priced, professionally produced Cabbage Patch Doll. All of the sudden this newer doll - which had its own distinguished name - took its rightful place in the arms of the child. And what happened to that other special doll? Well sure, it found its way face down on the ground. When Mary Lynn, probably a bit distraught over her overlooked gift, asked about the first doll, Emily announced in a very clear tone, "That one is Dodo."

Though Mary Lynn has quite a good sense of humor and could find the levity of a 4-year-old naming her gift after an 18th Century extinct bird, it had to hurt just a little bit.

Over the years, we have all had smiles about the story. Over the years, the story has been kept alive. And over the years, the perspective on the story has shifted, from one of humor and silliness to one of warmth and beauty. For me anyway.

Emily with her own kids.

And the reason is because of a conversation I had with Emily about a year ago. Somehow, the conversation turned to the days of the 1980s, living in Huntington Beach and of course ... Dodo. "I still have Dodo! I have saved it," she said. Oh really? And what of the other high-priced Cabbage Patch Doll that Santa brought? Not sure where that one ever went off to.

It's a beautiful world, isn't it? It's the ultimate choice of a child, the choice of the wise, the choice of the heart. Not for the store-bought product that shimmers and shines in the fashion and fad of public opinion, but rather for the home-made gift created by the hands of a loving mother.

It is a beautiful world, one that knows of love over gold, quality over quantity, heart over head, and nothing - no nothing - over "Dodo," a wonderful and delightful doll who will live on as long as there are gifts given directly from love.    

James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer who has saved his own Dodo's over the years. He can be reached at www.LegacyProductions.org.