Thursday, March 14, 2019

When I Look Into My Heart

As I wake up in the morning at times to a hurt heart, I thought of writing a poem from the vantage point of what I see when I look within.  I was surprised. 

When I look into my heart of hearts
I find what tears this world apart
A world of war and battle and disease and strife
A world of hatred and anger over this unfair life
A world of gangs and tagging and bravado and stances
A world of dirty tricks, drive-by shootings and angry glances
A world of deep longing and loss and desperation
A world of grief and fear – a world of separation
Where does it all begin; how did it ever start?
I find the answer in my heart of hearts

It’s Isabel and Louise who turned away without a word
Leaving me lost, confused, alone – so hurt
It’s Kelle with her innocent yet mischievous grin
Before her alcohol, drugs and past did her in
It’s a father and a mother who wanted no signs of feeling
Nothing of what I had to say would hold any meaning
It’s a best friend Jamie moving far away – a defector
It’s a sister – my enemy – though I was supposed to protect her
It’s a kindergarten room, like a prison with a guard
It’s the bully who made walking to school just so hard
It’s a teacher who graded me – F, S or E
Even my own art I could no longer see
My identity was put so far up onto a shelf
I lost it all; I lost myself

When I look into my heart of hearts
I find what tears this world apart
My perception, my vision, my filter, my take
Leaving behind myself – my first mistake
It took my writing, my prose, my creativity
It stole my confidence and imagination and ingenuity
It took my enthusiasm, my joy, my innocence
In the depths, it took everything that made any sort of sense
Leaving only the news of the day, with all its dismay
And the heartbreak and anxiety, sure signs of decay
Though when I peer deeper than this surface show
The reality still resides – the beauty forever exists below
I restore, reclaim, remember what has always been
I find the self – and the truth - I am that I am that I am
I find the chance to begin again, with a brand new start
When I look into my heart of hearts
When I look into my heart of hearts

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