Monday, December 10, 2018

God's Biggest Mistakes

All right, now this isn't to say that God hasn't done some incredible things.
  • The Grand Canyon
  • Double rainbows
  • The creation of German Chocolate Cake
  • And most recently, the Miracle in Miami, where the Dolphins scored a touchdown to win on a hook-and-ladder play with seven seconds to go against the evil New England Patriots
However, let it be said that no one is perfect.

And though hating to be the bearer of bad news, I believe it's important we see what has worked and what has not. Just the messenger here. Don't kill me.

So without further ado, here are five of God's biggest mistakes, in order of blunder.


This is better known as the food pipe and the windpipe. What the heck? Who designed this thing? Why, if you are pretty much starting from scratch anyway, would you assign the same orifice ("mouth") to handle two VERY DIFFERENT functions? Breathing and eating? I really don't think these two bodily functions should be sharing the same opening.

What good could come of it? Here, let's review some of the results of mixing the two:
  • Bloating 
  • Choking on food
  • Coughing and coughing... and coughing
  • Intake of water into lungs
  • Death
  • Unwanted and agitating hiccups
Why do it? Did the Grand Master run out of space on the body? Had to multitask, huh? Oh sure, you give us that handy-dandy flap to separate the two. But it doesn't always work. And it gets even more complicated if you mix three of the mouth's functions: eating, breathing and talking.


2.  HAIR

OK, again, what was the point here?

It's understandable why dogs, cats, bears and other furry creatures would want and need a nice head of hair (as well as covering for other body parts). But the human? Didn't we come up with coats, clothes, mittens, mufflers, hats, and umbrellas for such needs of shelter and protection from the elements?

And even if we didn't have these inventions, you think these measly patches of hair would keep us warm? No way.

And don't even get me started about the fact men routinely lose the hair on top of their heads. Was that because of the Divine Intervention which would become the "baseball cap?" And then it's true most women have no beards or facial hair. So random. As if they had never a plan, in the grand scheme of things, to go outside? Talk about sexism.

Perhaps hair was a necessity in the arena of job creation. Barbers, stylists, hair products, coloring, etc. But was it really worth it? All that trouble - and for what? Something that wouldn't keep anyone covered or sheltered in the cold or heat. 


I get the whole bug thing. In nature. I understand for example the ants. Cleaning up the leftovers left behind by litterbugs, animal deaths, other types of death, and sloppy homemakers. Other bugs, as well, I believe come along to deal with the messes left behind - naturally and not-so-naturally.

But the flea.

Let's review its life-cycle:
  1. Hatch
  2. Find a cat, a dog or a human in order to suck its blood
  3. Die through some sort of violence - either a spray, a chemical or through the death-squeeze of two human fingers

No higher purpose at all. No sense of service to the well-being of others. No reason to exist at all. All they do is take. Sure, there a number of humans like this, but at least they have the chance to turn it around and transform - with free will, the power of choice, and a human body to maneuver and help others if they so choose. But what has the flea got? This tiny body that is only designed to suck blood.

Get the hell out of here. You don't belong. And you are one of God's top five mistakes.

Sorry, but that had to be said.


So you got a garden going, or a nice plot of lawn. You take care of it. You water it. It looks nice. And then what appears in the middle of the beautiful roses or petunias or daffodils?

A bunch of thorny, ugly, meaningless patches of evil.


No really, why? What was God thinking? "Oh I know how to mess up the garden. I know what can bug the living crap out of some caring and conscientious gardeners who lovingly tend to the beautiful shrubs and flowers. I'll just stick some giant weeds in there." 

God is rude.

There truly is no purpose for weeds. They are not serving anyone. They are not protecting anything ... save for themselves with those prickly edges. Some weeds - those round ones that uncoil - are the ones you find in your socks after a trip to the park. The "foxtails" - doing nothing of merit - are the ones that send dogs to the animal hospital at 1k a pop. And then all the other weeds simply disfigure a wonderful landscape.

In a phrase: stop it!


And now ... for the biggest mistake God has ever made.

But first, it must be said He/She actually started off with a really great idea.
  • A checks and balance system
  • A way of teaching souls of the Golden Rule
  • A scientific cause-and-effect concept that reveals the truism of farming: "You reap what you sow"
  • A plan that would bring peace and harmony to all of life 
It's called "karma" - a term of ancient legacy that has been used in present time, as more and more people are aware of the reality ... and the warning.

Well ... something happened to this great plan. Someone messed up. One of the designers didn't include the concept of timing into the scheme. Someone forgot to ensure the karma would be experienced at such a pace that the cause and the effect would clearly be identified.
  • The stealing of the Mounds Bar would be met with the losing of the bike privileges. 
  • The lying to a friend would be met with instantly losing that friend.
  • The cheating on a business deal would be met with the loss of money immediately.
And it would all happen in the moment so there was no confusion that the person "made his own bed and then had to sleep in it."

For it's true, without that timing element, the distance between creating karma and then receiving karma is so delayed, that humans can't put 2 and 2 together. It creates an opening for other such travesties:
  • Denial of any wrongdoing
  • A whole slew of excuses and distractions
  • Blaming everyone else and everything else for our troubles
  • The continued poor and unconscious behavior that harms family and friends
  • The prospering of cheaters and liars (for a time) 
  • Absolute selfishness
Good job God. Didn't see that one coming, did ya?

Well, having said all this, I tell ya what.

As we have all experienced, everyone gets a million chances to get it right. And that shouldn't exclude You.

Plan: you get rid of the weeds and the fleas, come up with a better idea than hair, windpipes and foodpipes, and then speed up this whole karma thing ... and we can talk.

Looking forward to it.

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