The US Senate Candidates - Uh-ohhhhhh

It’s that time of year again. Yes, today in California. This is when we – as voters taking part in one of our civic duties – get to truly review the options before us and make the choices to vote in our selection for proposals and candidates. It’s also a time when we get to truly be scared out of our minds.

Now, this piece here won’t cover the Presidential candidate selection. That is a whole other cartoon. This piece will cover the California selections of US Senators. I, like you other lucky Californians, have received the “Official Voter Information Guide” pamphlet in the mail and have reviewed it thoroughly. And I, perhaps like you, am horrified.

Actually, truth be told, when my wife and I first opened the mailer over a month ago, we had the laugh of our lives. We couldn’t believe the slap-dash, errant delivery of these candidates. These are unedited words from our potential CA Senators: 

Ling Ling Shi (No Party Preference) of Rancho Cucamonga says, "Run for God’s Heart and America’s Freedom, challenge 10 giant chaos in economy and economy-related sectors."

Yes, this is an exact quote found in the pamphlet. And yes it was chaotic just reading that statement. Is good grammar not seen as a valuable campaign promise?

President Cristina Grappo (Democrat) of Alameda, says “My education & expertise merits this prolific occupation in order to represent California… I am mainstream Facebook in social media! My core values drive America!"  

I don’t even know what the first sentence means, as it sounds like she did a “Right-click / Synonym” on a few of the words there. And I’m so glad something is driving America; little did I know it was Cristina’s core values.  

Massie Munroe (Democrat) of Glendale, says, "Through my national and international research and political activism, I identified ‘mind control slavery’ by satellite energy technology weapons and social engineering programs that have been in continual development for the past 50 years and facilitated their ‘declassification.’”

I do believe there is much going on beneath the surface, and conspiracies are not always conspiracies, but if you are going to have success outing some “mind control slavery,” have it make much more sense to the common activist… and humanoid.

Don J. Grundmann (No Party Preference) of San Leandro says basically "Fight-the-Power.org." 

You go Don! I’m sure that website will give me all I need. Though since it’s located on a physical pamphlet, there is no hyper-link. How about next time, take the effort to submit some content!

Herbert G. Peters (Democrat) says “Our first 70 years; our country grew and flourished. We had no income tax. Motto: Manifest Destiny. Democrat Presidents; were most wise: Andrew Jackson balanced budget seven of eight years. Franklin Pierce vetoed a federal welfare bill.”  

You must get some points just for knowing anything about a president (Pierce) that no one really recalls from history. But some points are taken away for simply coming across like a high school student. 

Karen Roseberry (Republican) of Palmdale says, "S.A.V.E. the future!"

That’s it Karen? Can you embellish just a little bit? Like what does the acronym S.A.V.E. stand for, if anything? "Say A Verb. Eh?" 

And last but surely least, Jason Hanania (No Party Preference) of San Francisco, said "01100101." 

Is that what unlocks the button for the warheads? Is he showing off, or did he simply get stuck in some binary code parallel universe?

So, in summary, we are in trouble. No, not all the US Senate candidates came off this bad. There are some candidates who wrote lucid, intelligent, clear missives of vision and purpose. But sadly, these were in the minority. The fact that so many of the candidates could scratch out such drivel, and given it could bypass any sort of vetting process either shows that we are indeed the land of opportunity for anyone … or that we have some real holes in our political system. 

And these would be holes that would be filled, unfortunately, by some really ding-dong leaders. 

James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer living in Lemon Grove, California. He is considering running for US Senate, since he at least owns a spell-checker. He can be reached at www.LegacyProductions.org.