Saturday, June 27, 2015

You CAN Handle the Truth - A New Look at "Forgiveness"

OK people. It's official, we are discontinuing the old, worn-out, BS version of "forgiveness." Drop it! It's fake; it doesn't work, and it doesn't help. Never has.

Not as long as the person is still alive who screwed up.

No longer will you use the phrase "I forgive you." You didn't mean it really deep down; it didn't mean anything anyways, and it actually sells out the person who did the misdeed ... whatever that was. 

Those who say they "forgive" another person without telling that person what happened, the emotion experienced, and the impact incurred is selling out that person and selling out themselves. There is too much value in our observation, our expression and the act of clearing-the-slate to pretend that it's sufficient to go silent, quit on the process of relationship and offer a hand-waving blanket "forgiveness."

First off, can we really "pardon" someone from their apparent "sins?" If you have to pardon some act, doesn't that reinforce the negativity of that act, rather than truly dismiss it? And if you get real and label it the "negative" experience it was, how would a wave of the hand counterbalance it?

Second, if there is such a thing as cause/effect (karma) - and oh yes life-fans there is such a thing as the law of karma - then even if you pardoned some lamer from their lame actions, they would STILL need to DO something to balance out that lameness. Cause ... effect.


So.... starting now. No more "I forgive you." Got it?

If the person doesn't have the consciousness to automatically say, "What can I do to make it up to you?" - and yes life-fans only 1 percent of the population EVEN RECALLS that honorable statement - then you have the chance to do one of two things once someone blows it with you:
  1. Ask the person: "Are you willing to do something to make up for what you did in order to bring balance to this situation?"
  2. If the person does what 99 percent of the population does - act defensive, naive, indignant or self-righteous - then simply tell them the truth: your thoughts, feelings and ideas about their actions.
If the person does do a "balancing act" (hey that's a cool new term) to make right what they made wrong, then show the gratitude for such class and care. If the person simply opts for hearing your truth instead, leave the truth out there and leave that person alone with it. If he or she returns to you, follow up with 1."Are you willing to do something to make up for what you did in order to bring balance to this situation?"

Then rinse and repeat.

This new behavior will do five things:
  1. It gives the offending person a chance to balance out, consciously, their misstep in a conscious step in the right direction. This will empower your friend to know they don't have to wait for the Lords of Karma to balance out all in the Universe. They can be a responsible force in this scenario.
  2. It stops the farce of forced or fake forgiveness, which never did relieve your soul TRULY or help bring responsibility to the other person. 
  3. It empowers us all to speak up and deliver our heart, mind and soul to another, knowing that these sentiments aren't harsh judgments but rather gifts of observation that can serve another in expanding their own level of consciousness. 
  4. It gives us a proactive action in our endeavor to find peace, overturning a passive "giving up" that serves NO ONE.
  5. It makes real the act of "atonement" - bringing true oneness to our relationships.
Some may say that we can't really know who is right or wrong in a situation, and some may believe that all is "right" in the universe as it plays out. Those beliefs won't get in the way of the very fact YOU CAN deliver your truth whenever you believe you have been slighted or let down. The act of "letting go" in your "forgiveness" won't be you turning from your friend or acquaintance, but your letting go of your hesitancy and avoidance and simply telling the other person how you feel, what you observed and what you believe was the impact of another's action or lack of action. Perhaps, just maybe, the "letting go" within forgiveness is the simple revealing of the truth.

Ok people - do you got it?

It's time for a new way of doing relationships and screw ups.

We are all human, it's OK. We will make mistakes. So what! It's how we respond to our mistakes that will make all the difference. It's how we respond to other people's misgivings that will also make a difference.

Remember the magic phrase - "Are you willing to do something to make up for what you did in order to bring balance to this situation?" And then remember too, the idea that will be your backup if this phrase falls on deaf ears ... the truth.

James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer who does not forgive you ever, but does hold certain expectations that you can be a responsible adult. He can be reached for atonement at

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